Emuna is the Only Answer to Fear and the Only Way to Cope

In response to a Q&A regarding a little boy who is now afraid to go to sleep, and when told that Hashem guards him, asked: "And where was Hashem for the 3 boys who were kidnapped?!" The mother asked in a forum for the answer to her son, and herself.

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I also asked this same question, just like the mother who wrote in, we are all asking this question, kal v’chomer after Har Nof and all the other things that are happening to the Jewish people. I also am afraid. This little boy doesn’t need child therapy – he just has less keilim to cope ie deny the fear than we adults do! He needs the answer, just like his mother, just like me, just like all of Klal Yisrael.

Well there is only one answer, and that is emuna. It is pashut Halacha from the Shulchan Aruch that a Jew must know that everything Hashem does is GOOD. This is emuna – which is also the very first commandment in the Torah – to know Hashem. We must know Hashem, believe in Him and know that everything He does is for the very best! Of course we all constantly need to strengthen our emuna, especially in the face of such tragedies, but it is the ONLY ANSWER. The only answer to the questions, and the only answer to the fear. The reality is that we cannot understand what Hashem is doing – if we could then we would be G-d Himself. But we can see His goodness in other ways and thereby strengthen our emuna to know that everything He does is indeed good, even and especially when we cannot see it. The Midrash says that when Moshiach comes, we will get a double nechama – we will know that there will be no more suffering, which is a big nechama. But Moshiach will also show us that all of history was all for the best, he will turn around the tapestry that we’ve only seen the underside of so to speak – and knowing that all the suffering was for the best will be an even greater nechama. We don’t have to wait for Moshiach! We can strengthen our emuna now, to know that everything is for the best, that things might seem so very out of control but truly Hashem IS indeed in control of all of it – ein od milvado (that means no terrorist has power for us to fear them!), and if we just call out to Him in prayer, just like we did in Mitzrayim, then Hashem will surely redeem us, just like He did in Mitrayim!

Surely we all need to pray for emuna, especially to really believe that everything is for the very best, and we also to pray to not bear the brunt of such tests R”L. And we have to learn about emuna, just like every other mitzvah in the Torah – the books I found the most helpful were The Garden of Emuna and The Garden of Gratitude, both by Rabbi Shalom Arush Shlita. Although there are many others, I found these books in particular to lay out the fundamentals of these mitzvot the most clearly and understandably, with lots of stories, examples and inspiration. I can personally vouch that the only reason why I am at least partially sane and not totally frozen by this same fear is because of these books which taught me emuna. Although obviously having 100% belief with no fear whatsoever is a work in progress, just having the answer, and knowing where to turn with these questions helps immensely. In fact it’s everything!

Hashem IS Driving

I had the most amazing epiphany this morning.

I have been overwhelmed by negative feelings lately. I can't get out of bed until the last possible moment, when I finally overcome my tremendous desire to fall asleep for the rest of my life because I have to get up (I guess all those “musts” in my life that I'm usually fighting are actually serving a good purpose now). People are starting to talk about “anti-depressants” and “trying to take the edge off” the tremendous emotional pain I'm walking around with.

Even more, the trigger situation has really deteriorated, directly resulting in my chronic back disc issue flaring up. BARUCH HASHEM right now it has gotten much better, but still on a daily basis – and a week ago, on a moment by moment basis – I am reminded of my situation (as if I could forget?) by the nagging pain in my back and legs. In psychology, there is a nice little formula that describes my situation perfectly:

Pain + Non-Acceptance of Pain/Situation = SUFFERING.

So I'm getting whammed by both physical and emotional pain right now, and I admit – I have not been accepting it all so well. I feel like I've been drowning.

Even hisbodedus has been suffering. I know I must be doing something wrong because I feel worse, not better, when I'm done (note to self – re-read chapters on proper and improper prayer in The Garden of Yearning). I'm using everything in my toolbox – it could be much worse, Hashem loves me, look at all the little things that are going well, I may feel like I'm dying but B’H” I'm not, and there are people who would take this trial in a heartbeat compared to their own…nothing has lifted the fog for more than a few moments.

I have been feeling utter despair – I don’t know how to get out of this situation and I'm literally frozen by my current pain, and the knowledge that under any and all circumstances it will get worse before it gets better. I absolutely believe that gam zu yaavor – this too shall pass – but I'm terrified by the fire and brimstone I'm going to have to endure before I get there. I have a gigantic, life altering choice before me – and I don’t know which road to take. It’s like I'm sitting in a car, and the engine is running, but the signs at the fork in the road are all turned around. I know one way is hell, and the other is Heaven – but I don’t know which is which. And I just can't make myself hit the gas and drive on either road. I am totally immobilized by fear.

Don’t think I haven’t been davening (or at least trying, as I've explained). But an answer doesn’t seem to be forthcoming. My Rabbi said point blank: “I don’t know. I think you’ll know in the right time.” Inside, I'm screaming: I want answers!!! Where the heck is Eliyahu HaNavi when I need him? Hashem, I simply don’t know what to do! I’ll do whatever You want – but what IS it???

Then this morning it hit me. I'm not driving. Hashem is driving.

But it’s not just that. I feel like I'm not moving, I'm frozen, I don’t know where to go and what to do and and and… AND Hashem IS driving.

I'm not sitting here immobile, looking at my dreams in the distance as they fade into gray while I sit and watch my friends achieve them. Hashem IS driving my car, and yes eventually I will need to veer to the right or the left. The essential thing is that I'm not standing still in the meantime – even if it feels like I can't continue down my path in life until I make this decision.

How Do We Endure?

The story explained by Mystical Paths in Israel has been pretty scary. US armed forces following buses bringing kids to school, police with bats being rough with kids daring to play in the streets of Geula, more rockets in Sderot – and Bush offering a Palestinian state with East Jerusalem as its capital as reward for their terrorism. It sure seems like no one cares about the safety of Jews in their own land – but put Bush’s safety in jeopardy and the entire country shuts down (with of course no care again given to the Jews affected). How do we endure this suffering?

The same way that our ancestors did in Egypt – infallible belief that HASHEM CARES, we WILL be redeemed, and they will pay for every OUNCE of our suffering!

This redemption is supposed to mimic the redemption from Egypt. Here’s one big similarity:
In Egypt, we were supposed to spend a specific number of years in slavery. However, the Egyptians reveled in their power over us, and subjected us to much more severe suffering than had been ordained – and they were made to suffer, middah k’neged middah, for both enjoying giving us the suffering we were supposed to get, and making us suffer even more (and we were redeemed early).

Now, it is the same thing. We have paid twice the suffering allotted, and the goyim have indeed – and continue to – revel in the continued suffering they inflict on Jews. It feels never ending, and so, so unfair. The double standard is so blatant, and yet no matter how much we protest, write letters to the White House, our representatives, and the media, it just doesn’t change. It’s because they don’t want to listen. They don’t want to hear the truth. They continuously choose to harden their hearts against us.

Just remember that they don’t run the show – Hashem does. No matter how much they fight against His people, no matter what they try to do to erase us and everything we stand for off the map, whether they do so using Katyushas or “peace” treaties and politics – they will not succeed. They will become just like the Egyptians, who were wiped off the map and weren’t heard from again for hundreds of years, and in truth, never really recovered even half of what they had been previously. “Hashem ish milchamah” – Hashem is a Man of war. It is not the IDF that fights our battles, nor the Israeli government that it is our spokesman, but Hakadosh Baruch Hu Himself.

“There is an Ear that hears, and an Eye that sees, and everything is written in the Book, and the signature of each man is transcribed therein.” When the Day of Judgment comes, the goyim that were against us will fight the verdict, but lo and behold, it will be their own signature. They will get their due and we will rejoice – not for sweet revenge, but in celebration of Justice and the fulfillment of His word. Amen!

Link to Mystical Paths Post: http://mysticalpaths.blogspot.com/2008/01/well-this-explains-lot-or-not.html