Recently, two friends of mine recounted to me the following stories:
The first is directly from a friend of mine for whom it was his father’s yahrzeit. He lead Maariv (Evening Prayers) & Shachris (Morning Prayers) without issues, and then went to a minyan that often needs help getting 10 men for Minchah (Afternoon Prayers). He told the Gabbai of the shul that it was his father’s yahrzeit and that he would like to lead davening. The Gabbai asked him: “How is your Hebrew?” He replied that it was “OK” – certainly good enough to lead davening but no professional either. After some consultation with other members he was told that he could not lead davening. The Rabbi of the shul later explained that the minyan was particular about proper pronunciation and did not feel comfortable with just anyone leading the minyan.
The second comes directly from another friend, who was telling me a story about his father. It seems his father also desired to lead davening for his father’s yahrzeit, but he was in another area of town and unable to daven at his usual shul. He went to a shul near where he was - and was flatly told that he could not lead because was not wearing a black hat – only a standard black yarmulke. He asked if he could borrow someone else’s hat and lead – and again was refused.
These two stories strike a similar chord of discontent in me. Firstly, each of these men had a very specific chiyuv (obligation) to lead davening, usurped only by someone in shivah or shloshim (the first week or 30 days after the death of an immediate family member). As one friend put it, “Does my father’s neshamah matter less than theirs?” Both times, a primary mitzvah was ignored for a preference of some sort.
Where are our priorities? First of all, although under normal circumstances it is better to have someone lead services who can speak Hebrew perfectly, it is not a requirement. The only requirement is that the person leading services pronounce the Hebrew well enough to be understandable and that the Hebrew be basically correct. To my understanding, in the case of my first friend, the shul’s desire to be exacting on a mitzvah actually led to a blatant disregard for halachah! Forget my friend’s feelings as well.
In many ways, though, the second story bothers me more. I’ll never forget, I was speaking with a Rabbi about someone I knew in the beginning stages of learning about Judaism from being outside the fold. I asked him if I should tell this person to wear a kippah. The Rabbi responded “What, that? Certainly not. Don’t bug him about a Rabbinical chumrah. He has much more important things to focus on right now.”
Now, granted that the Temple in Jerusalem was destroyed because of sinas chinam – baseless hatred – I am going to make the assumption that sinas chinam in every form is the most despicable in Hashem’s eyes. Many times I have learned that Hashem will forgive just about any transgression against Him if only we will get along with each other. What the shul did to my friend’s father in the second story is flat out sinas chinam. He had is head covered, there’s no halachah stating such and such black hat is the only proper way to cover one’s head.
Now follow my logic. 1) Hashem hates discord among Jews 2) He will more easily forgive aveiras against Him than sinas chinam 3) A man wearing a head covering is not even directly from the Torah, but Rabbinic (Rabbinic law should still be followed, but it is not held to the same level as Torah law) 4) Jews are constantly fighting about proper headcovering, and stereotyping Jews based upon it – to the extreme of someone not being able to fulfill a mitzvah because he was fulfilling the mitzvah differently than others (and still fulfilling the mitzvah, mind you!) – I would argue that Hashem would rather us burn all of our kippas and stop hating someone because he wears a different type of hat/kippah/whatever than you, than wear the kippah and fight! Keep the orange ones for the time being, it’s a great statement, but I think you get the picture. I’m not saying kippas don’t matter, I'm saying if the kippah (trying to do a mitzvah) leads you to an aveira (sinas chinam) – forget the stupid kippah! “A mitzvah that comes through an aveira is not a mitzvah.”
Practically, I don’t suggest everyone burn their headcoverings immediately. I do think we need to re-think our priorities and what all of our chumras are leading to given the philosophical understanding I just explained. If the chumras lead to good, then fantastic – and if they don’t, maybe we need to reconsider our priorities, maybe something needs to change. The change might only be the way we approach the mitzvah – wearing whatever headcovering we choose and respecting others choices as well, for instance. But try to remember what’s essential and what’s not – and choose accordingly.
