Frumkeit isn't about doing this or that, although that is certainly a big part of being frum. In the end, frumkeit is all about “ani H’ Elokecha” – the first commandment. That commandment is basically saying – you shall follow ME! and not anyone else. Don’t hold by the secular world. Don’t hold by your own desires. Don’t compare yourselves to them. Hold by the Torah. Take upon yourself the yoke of Torah. Remember Me, remember My commandments, and be holy because I am Holy.
The first commandment is a commandment to have a certain attitude towards the world – an attitude that there is a G-d who gave us a Torah that we must live and die by – and judge ourselves and others by. We must be able to look out at the world, and say “this is right” and “this is wrong” not based on the morality of the society around us, but based on the Torah.
Just because Joe Shmoe down the street owns a TV and isn't a violent person doesn’t mean that TV is OK. And just because Joe’s wife is a “football widow” doesn’t mean that a husband can tell a wife that she shouldn’t be upset when he skips out on helping out around the house to watch the big game because “hey –at least I'm not Joe.” And he certainly shouldn’t say: “well, Joe does it! Everyone watches sports – it’s OK.” The husband may not be as bad as Joe, but that doesn’t mean the Torah says that what he’s doing is acceptable. And “everyone doing it” certainly doesn’t mean that it’s appropriate for a Jew either.
Hence, the first commandment details a primary concept: Hashem is G-d – judge yourself according to His rules, and not Joe’s down the street. We must accept the Torah upon ourselves and take on the Torah’s attitudes about life, reality, etc.
And there is a very good reason for this commandment: accepting Hashem and His Torah is a prerequisite of being a holy person and living up to our potential. If you judge yourself by Joe’s rules, then you're reducing yourself to Joe’s level. But if you want to be on an elevated level and reach your full potential, you have to judge yourself from that high level – and there is no level higher than G-d’s.
