Feel the power of your neshama

BH

I have a dare for you. I guarantee you that your life will change for the better. I would sign a promise to you in fact, I am so sure.

 

Start out with 5-10 minutes a day, every day, working up to 60 minutes eventually, just speaking out your neshama to Hashem in your own words, at a time when you are alone with Hashem (baby is fine but no one else should hear you). Connect yourself to your good will, your will to serve Hashem. For instance: “Hashem, I want to accept ol malchut Shamayim. Help me. Please Hashem, let me serve you in truth, b’emet. Please Hashem, help me fulfill my mission in this world. Please Hashem, show me the truth. Show me how you want me to serve You.” You can tell Him even that you’re not sure what to say – please help me speak to you Hashem. This is also very good. Even silence. But the best is to speak. Take my words even and adapt them to yourself and read them. Write letters to Hashem and read them. Whatever works! But take the time out, every day.

 

This is the essential part. You can also speak to Him about whatever else is on your mind, your questions, your difficulties, whatever. Talk to Him about me if you want – “She is sending me all this stuff and it doesn’t speak to me at all! Help me understand what she is trying to relate to me, in a way I can hear it.” Talk to him about your kids, your husband, your deep-seated questions. Thank Him for EVERYTHING in your life, from your every breath, to every organ that functions, to every thing that you own, everything, in great detail. That’s also very good, but the most important is the first advice, to ask Hashem to help you serve Him properly.

 

I am in no way trying to intimate that you are not currently serving Him properly per say. This is the general advice for everyone, because none of us are tzaddikim – we are all benonim, we all have what to work on. We all have our confusions, our lusts and desires, our places where we are weak, tired, lazy, whatever, the places where we don’t have enough clarity on what Hashem expects of us, etc. etc. Just the emotional experience of feeling your neshama expressing its will to serve Hashem – it’s an experience that does not have words but it changes your life, forever, and gives you power beyond something you can comprehend. And the joy that comes from the experience is also life-changing – that’s how you know that you really “reached Hashem” so to speak. Some days you’ll feel it more, some days you’ll feel it less, but slowly but surely it changes a person into a being that lives from the neshama, instead of illusions. It’s AMAZING.

 

In case you’re wondering from where I am pulling this advice, it isn’t just Breslev. The Chofetz Chaim did 2 hours of praying like this and also doing cheshbon hanefesh, reviewing his day, every single day. The Ramchal speaks about it in Mesillat Yesharim. Rebbetzin Heller discusses it in her books. There are many, many more sources for it. But the most important is to try it, you’ll feel how good it is with Hashem’s help! And if you can’t feel it, ask Hashem for that too. It’s Geshmak.

 

I really hope you’ll try it. And if you want to share your experience, I would love to know how it goes. Like I said, start with 5 minutes. And if I’m a total nut case, you’ve lost 5 minutes. It’s worth it to try it, no?

Holiness and Modesty

First off, this is a video that everyone must watch. Don’t tell me it’s too long – it is an edge of your seat, can’t turn it off video. I don’t have enough words to talk about this video. I admit it is rare that I share something not emuna oriented, but as far as I am concerned this is essentially also emuna oriented, since it speaks about the truth, and all truth is connected. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OpflBfazqUc - "My Life After Death Experience" with Alon Anava.

 

He also has an INCREDIBLE video set about modesty http://www.atzmut.com/the-power-of-modesty/ - and for those guys, I want you to know that this shiur is a fundamental shiur for EVERYONE. In order to explain this concept in detail like I have never heard of it explained before, he goes through a whole tour of the Torah, of Zohar, of truth, including many concepts fundamental to Judaism. He also explains many concepts which apply equally to men and women (which in case you didn’t know, modesty in dress also applies to men even, although he doesn’t state it here). You’ll learn more about the concept of modesty than you could imagine, and you’ll also learn a lot of incredible Torah in the process which can be applied to many other areas of life.

 

For other news:
This is TERRIFYING. But it's from Hashem. Which means it is somehow for the best! We can't change anything with Iran really. What we need to do is change ourselves. Especially we need to work on holiness!!! Modesty for women in dress, speech and thought, and guarding the eyes for men.
http://www.jewishpress.com/news/breaking-news/obamadeal-us-to-protect-iranian-nuke-sites-from-israeli-attack/2015/07/20/
http://www.jewsnews.co.il/2015/07/15/it-gets-better-america-will-now-train-iran-on-how-to-protect-their-nuke-facilities-from-israeli-attacks/

Here is the text:
Here's the text:

Nuclear Security
E3/EU+3 parties, and possibly other states, as appropriate, are prepared to cooperate with Iran on the implementation of nuclear security guidelines and best practices. Cooperation in the following areas can be envisaged:

10. Co-operation in the form of training courses and workshops to strengthen Iran's ability to prevent, protect and respond to nuclear security threats to nuclear facilities and systems as well as to enable effective and sustainable nuclear security and physical
protection systems;

10. Co-operation through training and workshops to strengthen Iran’s ability to protect against, and respond to nuclear security threats, including sabotage, as well as to enable effective and sustainable nuclear security and physical protection systems.

 

OK Now onto the emuna news! Honestly so much is going on here that it’s hard to know what to talk about first or have time to write it all up for you guys. I am trying. I am hoping actually to be spending a bit more time with updates more frequently because everything is happening so fast.

I think the most important thing right now is discussing kedusha – holiness. Rabbi Arush was a lion last Wed evening – like my husband and I don’t remember ever seeing him before. Usually he speaks softly, and laughs and jokes, and even as he tells you deep truth he is soft about it. Sometimes he gets a bit harsh, and says something like “Usually I am all smiles, just strengthen emuna, but sometimes we need to wake up a little…” And that’s as harsh as it gets.
Not this last week. Rabbi Arush was on fire, incredibly strong and intense, like a lion roaring the entire lesson. First off, he did not mince words in stating that a woman, and especially an unmarried one, should NEVER go to a Rabbi directly. You think he is such a tzaddik? The bigger the man the bigger the Evil Inclination. And all the real tzaddikim that are checking themselves, do not accept women alone!!! For sure, we want to help women – send us a note, something short – no long stories, you get more help with something short and to the point, a sentence. Your name, your request, your question, whatever – we want to help. But to meet with a woman directly? No way. In fact, he went so far as to absolutely ban such meetings with an unusual proclamation of such in his name. (Note, I BELIEVE this aspect to be in response to a number of recent scandals where “rabbis” have been charged with all sorts of sexual misconduct with women, usually revolving around personal meetings with them).

In fact, he reminded, a man and a woman should have no connection whatsoever, not under any circumstances. A man’s Torah, his soul rectification, his everything is dependent on guarding his eyes which is guarding his mind and his brit. So much so, that for the first time we’ve ever heard, he said that a person should not spread emuna if he is going to have even the slightest chance of falling because of it! No hafatzah! Or only do it in a place where there is enough kedusha that you’re not going to be p’gam habrit, not the slightest chance.

Then he discussed a wedding he had been to the night before. As he was leaving, he saw out of the sliver of his eye off to the side something of the women’s side – and he was well, speechless, shocked, mortified, hard to describe the words. He said that he already doesn’t remember what he saw at all, but this tiny glimpse was enough for him to get the picture. He spent that entire morning of the shiur after this happened to him the night before in long hitbodedut with Hashem. And he said, this was a chareidi wedding! Don’t think this is just about the non-religious. No, this was unfortunately people who believe themselves to be religious already.

For the future, he said – don’t invite me! (Rabbi Arush NEVER says anything like this. Never). And it is completely forbidden to go to a wedding, an event, a brit, whatever where there is not “separation and holiness.” You cannot go! He said – “Me – I don’t see anything. But if there is not holiness and separation and a man could G-d forbid see an immodest woman, you cannot go! Ussur!” He reminded us: “You invite your relatives to a wedding. Avraham, Yitzchak, Yaakov, Moshe, Aaron, David, other tzaddikim all go to a wedding, but they will not be there if it is not holy! What do you want a chuppah for if they will not be there?!” Even more, he said that Eliyahu Hanavi will not go to a brit if there is not separation and holiness – “What do you want a brit if the zachor latov will not be there?”
For women he said little, besides a general focus on tzniut (this is normal, he does not give specific guidelines, just “be very modest!”) but he did outright say, which I know is how he holds but I have never heard him say it publicly: “And cover your hair properly with a head covering! Not hair! A head covering!” (BTW I have just learned some very serious, very incredible daat about wearing sheitls. If you have the ability to hear it, contact me. This is a very, very serious reality about wigs. Don’t think just the Sefardim ban them. The Ashkenazim ban them too. What Rabbi Elyashiv zt”l said against them will make your hair stand on end. Rabbi Ovadia Yosef zt”l rattles off an incredible list of the greatest Ashkenazic poskim who forbid them).

 

One of the foundational mitzvot is “Be holy for I Hashem am Holy” – “kedoshim t’hiyu.” In everything we do – in dress, in speech, in thought we have to check ourselves – is this holy? Is this like the non-Jews around me, or is this from the Torah? What does Hashem tell me to do in this situation? For a woman to wear anything that catches the eye G-d forbid…this isn’t just about elbows and knees. That is just the very beginning. The Rabbis leave much up to the woman because we are supposed to have an inner sense of tzniut, we’re not supposed to be cookie-cutters like the men. What is very tzniut on one woman could be (even appropriately sized) not modest on another woman. We have different body types. Each woman must see for herself that she is dressing like a Bat Melech – a princess, a daughter of the King of Kings – and not like a non-Jewish woman trying to attract a mate – not even the same styles just with a shell underneath to make it “frum”!

 

As Rabbi Brody quoted Harav Arush: “You think you’re dressing like Little House on the Prarie? You might just be saving the Jewish people!” Rabbi Arush says we cannot understand the importance of holiness and modesty. If you hear sirens in the streets, if there is suffering in Klal Yisrael, it is because there is immodesty in the streets. Just the Jewish women dressing truly modestly – just this alone can bring the Geula! In fact more than one tzaddik has said that the reason why Moshiach has not yet come is just because of women wearing wigs…This is the real deal. Why is it so hard? Because it is our essential mission! The Midrash says that in every limb of Chava that Hashem formed he said “Be modest! Be modest!” So of course the Evil Inclination fights us so hard on every tiny detail of tzniut – because it is everything for a woman. Most of a woman’s judgment after 120 – is on tzniut!

 

There is much more to say but this must suffice for now. The greatest thing that each person can do is to take on some additional thing in holiness, man or woman these 9 Days of Mourning. However small, do something, change something, for the sake of the entire Jewish people!

 

I would love if you will tell me what you are taking on, and I will publish it separately, anonymously. I myself have taken on something small, in the merit of Shimon Machluf ben Miriam Varda for a refuah shleima. Share with me what you are doing and I hope to post a list which will inspire everyone!

Holiness

I don’t want to just constantly quote Rabbi Brody, but he has really been spot-on.

 

In case you missed it, here is the alarming article about this coming Erev Rosh Hashanah – the end of a Shmitta year has brought a major financial “correction” every time for the last 5+ Shmittas! http://lazerbrody.typepad.com/lazer_beams/2015/06/september-2015-economic-doomsday-for-the-usa.html

 

Then you have an emuna op-ed: http://lazerbrody.typepad.com/lazer_beams/2015/06/is-the-pot-about-to-boil-over.html

 

And then this one about the Obamanation - http://lazerbrody.typepad.com/lazer_beams/2015/06/the-imminent-geula-mister-v-before-and-after.html yes he wants to make this place an Obama Nation all right.

 

And now his recent post: http://lazerbrody.typepad.com/lazer_beams/2015/06/a-hole-in-de-fence.html Yup our defense minister would be a lot better off worrying about defending our country than arguing in favor of gay marriage here in Israel Hashem yishmor. Including our number 1 defense system, which is Hashem – and our number 1 spiritual defense through which Hashem protects us - which is kedusha.

 

The world is becoming more polarized, and Rabbi Brody explains why – the time for sitting on the fence is over. Hashem is separating those who will follow Him no matter what the world does and at the very least WANT to do His will (regardless of our human failings) and those who could care less. Middle ground is becoming harder and harder to find.

 

The biggest thing that each one of us can do is to really starting praying about becoming more holy and doing our best by taking on one new aspect of kedusha – holiness. Doing more to guard our eyes, guard our hearts, guard our minds from the filth around us, and be more modest in our ways and our dress and most importantly to ask Hashem that we should be more holy, to increase our level of holiness every day. In Hebrew, Rabbi Arush says it like this: “Zakeini l’hosif l’kedusha yom yom.” We cannot begin to imagine what the tiniest increase in holiness does for the Jewish people and the world. How much it protects us. Rabbi Arush says that if you hear sirens in the streets, it is because the women are not modest…and goes even further, stating that just all Jewish women dressing modestly would bring us the redemption immediately!!!

Countdown to the 3 Weeks and Video Awesomeness

Thank you to my good friend Mrs. Roseberger for pointing this one out to me: https://emunahchannel.com/make-god-your-best-friend-amazing-advice-on-how-to-connect/

And a particularly awesome shiur from Rabbi Cassouto: https://emunahchannel.com/be-yourself-find-who-you-are/ I had such hashgacha pratis listening to this - I had paused it, and then something happened. Someone questioned me strongly on someting I had said standing on the side of kedusha and I was confused. Then my son said - turn the shiur back on. And there was Rabbi Cassouto - so what if the world is against you! Believe in yourself! If the whole world is against you then you are on the side of kedusha!

 

Now onto some world news: http://www.jewishpress.com/news/breaking-news/us-officials-warn-of-isis-attacks-on-july-4/2015/06/27/ US Officials are warning that ISIS may be planning terror attacks this coming Shabbos July 4 – even though we fast on Sunday because of Shabbos, this Shabbos is still the infamous day of mourning called the 17^th of Tammuz when the walls of Jerusalem were breached, among other major terrible things that happened to the Jewish people on that date. The situation is Europe doesn’t look much better, what with a major anti-semitic rally being planned for this Shabbos as well in the religious community of Golders Green – the posters on Facebook for it look like something straight out of the Holocaust. Outright ghastly. I can’t bear to copy it but if you want to see it head over here: http://palmtreeofdeborah.blogspot.co.il/2015/06/the-one-week-countdown-to-17th-of-tamuz.html. Who can forget the Freedom Flotilla III happening as we speak and the death of Bar Kappara Erev Shabbos Hashem should avenge his blood – he was a 70 year old farmer beaten to death by Muslim “Palestinians” (amazingly his name means “son of / being an atonement) and a sweep of terrorism around the world including Tunisia and France.

 

What does this all have to do with emuna? Well Rabbi Arush always says forget the news, the news is everything is for the very best! Let’s go deeper though. It is so easy and common to throw your hands up and say “We need Moshiach now! There is so much suffering in Klal Yisrael! Sicknesses, terrorism, anti-semitism, everyone is suffering! Dai! Enough!” In fact, I feel like I hear this all the time – “There are so many tzaros in Klal Yisrael.” Rabbi Arush had harsh words for such talk in the weekly newsletter for the Yeshiva for this past Shabbos Parshas Chukat – “To speak like this is Lashon Hara against Hashem and it is kefira gemura – total heresy.” I gasped – what harsh words! But it is true! Total heresy! Speaking against Hashem as if He is doing something bad, so to speak! Gasp! And I think like this all the time…

 

Hashem loves us and does EVERYTHING for the best – EVERYTHING bar none. He explains that we aren’t continuing to be punished for the crying we did in the desert at the Sin of the Spies, when Hashem said we will “cry for generations.” We are still being punished because even today, we are still crying and complaining – just like this. “There are so much tzaros in Klal Yisrael.” Wait, is Hashem evil G-d forbid? Is he doing something unjust to the Jewish people? Such statements bring on harsh judgments because then Shamayim opens up the records – is something wrong happening, something unjust? And they find only that Hashem is actually being too lenient with us! Just the opposite is true – Rabbi Arush stated emphatically twice “Everything is just fine with Klal Yisrael. The only singular lacking and problem that we have is that we lack daat – holy knowledge.” That is the daat to thank Hashem for everything. That is the daat to have the emuna to know that ein od milvado – there is only Hashem – no anti-Semites, no ISIS, no Supreme Court, no mother, no father, no husband, no wife, no kids, no mother in law – only Hashem who uses various sticks to prod someone to return to Him. And that since He does everything, and everything He does is good, with no exceptions – this is also good. But in order for it to be truly good for eternity, we have to use these sticks to get closer to Him, to repent from our sins, to change our lives, to yearn to serve Him better.

 

And I am afraid to say this, but here goes. Rabbi Arush mentioned also in the parsha sheet that someone who recognizes that everything is from Hashem, and uses everything in His life to do teshuva and improve Himself, then everything is really good for him and he feels no suffering at all. Since the purpose is to get closer to Hashem, and all his suffering is fulfilling this purpose, then really everything is for his eternal good and he actually feels no suffering in it at all, since He is enjoying the closeness to Hashem! There is no evil in the world at all! But in The Garden of Emuna Rabbi Arush mentions something else that brings this point even farther – he says that such a person cannot be touched by anything evil at all, since he relies completely on Hashem. But G-d forbid if a person lacks this emuna, and thinks that things are random G-d forbid, or thinks that there is evil in the world and does not see Hashem and His goodness – then G-d forbid, something evil can befall such a person. This is because of the spiritual rule that whoever you fear, that thing rules over you. So if you see Hashem and fear Hashem, and know Hashem has complete control over your life - then Hashem really does have complete control over your life, and truly no evil can befall you. But if you fear anything else, and think something else has power, then Hashem c”v hands the control over that person to the object that he fears!!! Since that person has chosen to see X in place of Hashem, then that X will be made to look like it has power, since Hashem has to continue to give the person the free choice to see Him – or not. It is truly terrifying, Hashem should save us all!!!

 

We must go into these Three Weeks of Mourning only with thanking and praising Hashem for everything. If we could truly do that, then we would completely correct the sin of crying and complaining for no reason, and instead of needing a reason to cry since we are crying anyway Hashem yishmor, and instead of more tears coming to correct the sin of tears of complaints against Hashem, we can correct those tears of complaining with songs and praises to Hashem – and then these weeks will be weeks of joyous celebration, the coming of Moshiach b’rachamim, and the rebuilding of our holy Temple in Jerusalem, speedily and in our days AMEN.

Dropping the Vacuum Cleaner

First things first – welcome back from a long break! There has been lots going on here, including Pesach and a trip to Ch”l but Baruch Hashem we are basically back on time, and back on track, now. Not that the Pesach notes have finally been finished, but at least I got my kitchen turned back over before Shavuos! And I think I mostly have found everything too, which is a nice bonus.

 

Due to a special wedding, next week the Chabura restarts but on MONDAY evening June 8, 2015 – 8:15PM. Please come on time since we want to be done with introductions and learning by 8:30PM at the latest with Hashem’s help. Thereafter it will again be on Tuesday evenings, 8:15PM. No need to RSVP but if you plan on coming, do let me know. Also if you are interested in coming but want a different day of the week, please let me know since there is some flexibility and we’ll do what works for the most people! And of course be in touch if you need help getting here (near Shimon Hatzadik train and bus stops).

 

In the meantime, I admit that I have not gone ahead in Women’s Wisdom but I did finish the chapter I was learning in The Garden of Gratitude. Interestingly, I feel like whatever I am learning in Rabbi Arush seems to be happening in my life (I mentioned this to my husband, who warned me not to read some of his books in that case! Ha ha). Anyway, for the past few weeks I feel bombarded with little trials, which Rabbi Arush explains are real suffering, but compared to big problems can hardly be called suffering at all. But he gives an incredible formula based on the difference between the 3 days it took to get to the border of Israel from the Yam Suf, versus the 11 days it should have taken, and the 40 years punishment we received. Based on these ratios, the example is like this: You are judged to lose $100 in order to atone for some sin. Hashem sends you a test – you lose $20. If you accept losing that $20 with love and most importantly recognize that it came as a result of Divine providence from Hashem, thanking Hashem for losing the money and doing your best to do teshuva – then not only did you just pay only 1/5 of what you really owe, but then Hashem wipes from your sins the equivalent of $100,000!!! In fact, He wipes all your sins clean, just for the tiny suffering of losing $20, which is hardly suffering at all. But don’t accept it with love, thus denying Hashem’s goodness and start complaining, thus bringing more judgment upon yourself, and now the entire $100,000 stands to be lost G-d forbid.

 

It’s a very powerful parable. Of course most of our lives we cannot see these spiritual accountings with such clarity – that’s the whole point of the test. Anyway I feel absolutely bombarded by days where things just don’t go my way, but thank G-d nothing is really “wrong” so to speak. Well, the baby going to sleep at 2AM really IS wrong if you ask me, but that’s the whole point – working on recognizing that things are not all supposed to go just so. Maybe that is easy street but it isn’t the point of life to be on easy street, hanging out on the beach with a cocktail, plenty of money in the bank and all your needs provided and secure. In fact, that is actually the curse of the snake – to eat dust, and thereby never have any need for a connection to Hashem. Indeed, Rabbi Arush says that if someone doesn’t experience even the slightest bit of suffering for 40 days, they should be quite terrified, since clearly Hashem is repaying their good deeds in this world and they have no share in the World to Come!

 

What I realized is that the main point is recognizing that you don’t really want that super easy life you think you want. That’s what your body wants, but living for your body is pretty miserable, since it’s always uncomfortable and no matter how much you try to satisfy it, it continues to want incrementally more. Besides which, physical pleasure doesn’t hold a candle to any form of spiritual pleasure – the best proof of that is that no amount of money in the world will make a healthy parent sell their child. That’s because the physical pleasure of money can’t touch the spiritual pleasure of being a parent. So when faced with an obstacle, the question is NOT what your Evil Inclination wants you to think, which is “I don’t want this! This is pain, this is difficult, and I want easy street!” Really, you don’t have that option, because Hashem loves you, and hence you are not on Easy Street (see above). Really the only question is: “Do I recognize Hashem and try to say thank you and accept His Divine providence, even though I don’t understand it – or bring more judgment upon myself by denying that and complaining?” That is really the choice. You will suffer whether you like it or not – it’s the acceptance of the suffering by recognizing the Source, or not, that is actually in your power.

 

Of course training yourself to do this in everyday life takes, well – a lifetime! So Rabbi Arush says – ask Hashem to help you, and then every day review your inevitable failings, do teshuva, recognize at that point that what happened was from Hashem, apologize for not accepting it at the time and getting angry, blaming the messenger, or whatever, and move on. Hashem won’t hold it against you, so neither should you! He also adds to expect this stage to last years – yes, YEARS – before you start actually living your emuna in the moment and not losing it in the moment. So don’t beat yourself up or expect yourself to just get it right away. Like everything from Rabbi Arush, it is abundantly simple and yet incredibly difficult to actually do.

 

So for instance, I recently worked on thanking Hashem for the vacuum cleaner dropping on my foot since the handle broke, and having to ice my big toe a few times a day for days. Thank G-d the nail survived. Thank G-d the foot survived. Thank G-d it healed and no long term effects noted. My option was not to avoid having this happen. Really, my option is – accept this with love, or take upon 5,000 times more suffering than this very painful big toe! Well, I guess I’ll take just the toe! I almost screamed out “That’s it, we’re replacing this vacuum cleaner NOW!” But thankfully my husband was nowhere around for me to complain to him, and by the time he came home I was much calmer. And noted – yes I need to be more careful with it, yes we do need a new one, and yes Hashem also caused it to drop on my foot either way.

Update on the Arushes

BH

I had the pleasure of speaking tonight again with Daniela Arush. Overall, the news is good. Rabbi Arush shlita, who was not feeling well last week, is BH much better – he started feeling better on Lag B’Omer. Nachman, the oldest child, who just a little while ago was still in a wheelchair, is doing much better and no longer needs regular monitoring. Miriam is also doing much better, although they are still monitoring her internal injuries which have not healed fully. But the doctors are very optimistic and right now are not considering any interventions. Both kids returned to school after Pesach, giving Daniela a little time to breathe as well.

The news from baby Odelle’s ultrasound is also encouraging. She does indeed have a scar on her skull – the force of the collision was strong enough that even the amniotic fluid could not protect her head from ramming into her mother’s pelvis in utero. The good news is that the doctors believe that Baruch Hashem, she does not have any brain damage or other adverse effects, just a scar. She will continue to have the scar monitored.

The hardest news is Rav Shimon Machluf ben Miriam Varda – Daniela’s husband, and Rabbi Arush’s son. Daniela said that he is the only one who still needs prayers – but he still needs them. He is still extremely weak, and now has a motorized wheelchair to get around. If you only knew him before the accident, the one who practically built the new Yeshiva himself, who knows how to weld, electrical stuff, can install air conditioners in a flash and more, this shadow of himself is very hard to get used to. Please continue to daven for him to have a full recovery!

You can continue to get emuna and Arush family updates at my Facebook page: www.facebook.com/emunagal1.  

Purim is Here! Everything you need

B’H

The holy days of Purim are here! Harav Arush stresses that all 3 days of Purim have special holiness and the ability to bring down special salvations – the Fast of Esther, Purim, and Shushan Purim. The very best thing is to do 6 hours of hitbodedut on all 3 days, and especially the Fast (all fasts are days for teshuva and he holds that on every single one a person should do 6 hours, and this one is certainly no exception) and whichever Purim you do not celebrate ie you more time without running around fulfilling all the other mitzvot of Purim.

Now, let’s get into the details of what to do and remember on Purim itself – whichever one you celebrate. First off, it is absolutely ussur to drink at night! Rabbi Arush said “One who drinks at night breaks the entire Torah, and it is forbidden. He drinks out of his lust and his idol worship.” The evening of Purim should be very simple – after Megillah, a simple, quick meal and then off to sleep for a few hours. Then wake up at midnight and recite Tikkun Chatzot and go out to the field to do hitbodedut until Netz/Shachris. Remember that you must go to the field happy! Praising Hashem and singing – not crying!!!

Hearing the Megillah – every single word of the Megillah is emuna. After Moshiach comes all the texts will be cancelled except this Megillah. Even more than the Torah itself, every single word is emuna!

Now we come to the Feast itself. First of all, the mitzvah is only to drink WINE. That is why it is called “The Feast of Wine” in Hebrew. Absolutely no other alcohol can be consumed! In fact, Rebbe Nachman warned very much about alcohol for the entire year, and it is a Breslev custom to drink wine only at Purim because Rebbe Nachman commanded us not to!!! (and some drink wine for the 4 cups on Pesach).

Secondly, Rabbi Arush asked – Is it possible that of all days, on Purim Hashem wants a person to lose his seichel, his mind/intellect? Most certainly not! The point of the wine is to receive daat – holy knowledge. You cannot get that if you have lost your seichel getting drunk! Therefore, you must say the special prayer (I have it attached here in Hebrew, and in English which is a rough translation and slightly different since every year Rabbi Arush changes the wording slightly) before every single cup. And if you notice that you are losing your moach, your mind, your hold on yourself – stop drinking! Tikkun habrit – rectification of the brit – is tied to Tikkun Hadaat – you cannot risk losing your daat! What you ARE supposed to be receiving, as I said, is daat. The daat to know that everything is for the very best and to say thank you. The daat to know that suffering is good. The daat to say Cursed is Mordechai – sadness is not the path to teshuva! (RT adds here – see my previous emails if you have not yet already for explanation of this) No sackcloth! And the daat to say Blessed is Haman – even the most evil have no free will, and it was through him that the Jewish people were saved and came closer to Hashem! So everything is good!!!

Finally, I also attached the Shabbat lesson from Rabbi Arush which also summarizes all these concepts from last week’s lesson.
FREILECHEN PURIM – it should be filled with meaning and salvations!
*Side note – this advice is all for men. Us women, we have to adjust accordingly. Chassidim hold that it is always forbidden for women to drink, because for women the moach/mind is tied up with tzniut, so drinking always lets a woman become loose, which she can never let herself do c”v. So Purim is definitely no exception, especially when sadly there are a lot of honestly drunk men out there. Nor is a woman expected to be able to do 6 hours each day, especially with her husband not around to help, nor is she generally going to be waking up at midnight. But for sure at least a solid hour of hitbodedut every day, and as much as possible in general are certainly in order.
**Side note number two – Harav Arush again stressed that fireworks and the like are strictly forbidden, especially since they scare people. In previous years he has gone into some length about the terrible suffering awaiting someone in Gehinnom who scared people. It is very important to make sure that one’s children are not involved in this very serious sin.

Return again to who you are...and Purim

This lesson is a blowout, incredible lesson. Count on Hashem because Hashem is with you! And connect yourself to who you are, truly, inside. Also some incredible advice on humility and coming to the land of Israel. A must watch!!!

http://emunahchannel.com/return-again-to-who-you-really-are/

And for Purim…
Rabbi Arush brings some amazing insights from the Klausenberger Rebbe about the dispute between Mordechai and Esther, after they discovered the evil plot by Haman to kill the Jews.

Mordechai went through the streets wearing sackcloth and ashes, crying bitterly. Esther sent him clothes - what he didn't have clothes? Saying - you cannot come before the King wearing sackcloth! What she was saying was this: I was raised in your house and you, Mordechai, taught me that when things... get difficult, you go put on your best Shabbos clothes and dance and thank Hashem. You know that you cannot come before the King - Hashem - except with joy. If you are not able to come before Hashem, how will the decree ever get overturned?

Mordechai answered that although she was right, the people needed to know that they needed to do teshuva - hence, he was trying to awaken them to the seriousness of their plight in order that they should return to Hashem.

Her response was that this was still not the way! By getting people depressed and upset, they are only going to be connecting to the Klipah of Haman and Amalek more, through crying and complaining. Every smile wipes away Amalek - so crying makes Amalek even more powerful. Even more, being sad is in and of itself a sin, since it means that you don't accept Hashem's will. You are only adding sins to Klal Yisrael, in a supposed attempt to do teshuva! How can this ever work? Teshuva through more power to Amalek and sinning through sadness? The people know to do teshuva already. Tell people instead - Do teshuva! Strengthen your emuna in! Hashem is waiting for our prayers! But don't be sad!
Mordechai did not agree, and cursed Esther if she did not go before Achashverosh. Now, she was afraid, because the conditional curse of a tzaddik stands no matter what - hence she told the people to fast "alai" - on me. Not on the decree, but on Esther herself, since Mordechai had cursed her!

The Klausenberger Rebbe added, that if Mordechai had agreed with Esther and they had been only happy and thanking Hashem, they wouldn't have just killed Haman and his sons - they would have totally wiped away Amalek! But in the end Mordechai recognized that Esther was right, and hence the Megillah is called Megillat Esther - not Mordechai.

Purim is Coming! Special learning for Purim

Countdown to Purim! Harav Arush spoke about Purim on Wednesday both to the Yeshiva and in his weekly class. There were some amazing thoughts and important pointers - over the next week I will G-d willing be emailing even daily with important tidbits from Harav Arush on this holiday, which is the most important holiday according to Harav Arush - even Yom Kippur is "yom" the day "k-Purim" like Purim, a day we get close to the holiness of Purim. Over the 3 days of Purim (the fast of Esther, Purim and Shushan Purim) a person can bring down incredible salvations. Even more, Purim sets the calendar for the entire year - everything begins with Purim. Rebbeinu also explains that a kosher Pesach depends on a proper Purim.

Let's begin with the basics - who is Amalek?

Rabbi Arush chuckled - he said in order to know how to erase Amalek, we first have to know who and what he is! So we must speak about him!
Klipat Haman-Amalek - the dark side force of Haman and Amalek (Haman was Amalek, and the most notable one, but this influence began before him and continues today) - is the force of denial of Hashem (kefirah).... Interestingly, the most bold manifestation of this is denying the good - that is how closely tied denying the good is to heresy. Everything that comes to a person comes to him from Hashem - this is a basic tenet of emuna. So if a person denies the good done to him by the messenger of Hashem (the flesh and blood person doing him the good, for instance) then if a person denies the messenger, they certainly also deny the one who sent him!

The famous example Rabbi Arush brings is that Haman had 10 sons, and incredible wealth and power. Everyone bowed down to him in the streets! Yet the fact that one little Jew, Mordechai, would not bow to him - he says "it is all like nothing in my eyes." This is the greatest denial of good possible and the quintessential example of denying the good and letting the "dark spot" in your life overwhelm all the good in it, to the point where you feel like the dark spot is everything and the good is like nothing - when really, if you could see clearly all the good being done for you and properly appreciate it, you would feel the exact opposite!
So the war against Amalek is the war of emuna, against kefirah (heresy). This is also the war of every person, at every moment - to strengthen themselves in the emuna to see Hashem, appreciate the good, and know Hashem is doing everything for the best - or to deny that G-d forbid, and question Hashem instead - "What's going on here? What does Hashem want from me? Why is this happening?"
Don't forget to start praying NOW already for a meaningful and inspiring Purim!

Ahavat Yisrael

Rabbi Arush says that the highest form of Ahavat Yisrael (loving your fellow Jew) is hafatzah - distributing emuna. Everyone needs to learn about emuna, the simple belief in Hashem. Because Hashem is the only address for everything a person needs, both physically and spiritually, and the path to true happiness and fulfillment in life is found only through emuna, helping another Jew (or any person, really!) learn about emuna is enabling them to also find that happiness and fulfillment and joy in their life. Even more, emuna enables a person to reach their highest potential and fulfill their purpose in life - certainly helping a person achieve that is the best good you can do for them!

So when Rabbi Arush said at the funeral that we need to focus on Ahavat Yisrael (hence the inspiration for this learning in her merit) and hafatzah, really they are the same thing. Granted, Rabbi Arush was specifically speaking about getting rid of machloket (fighting), but with increased emuna through hafatzah this also happens - being able to make peace is dependent on emuna as well. How can you make peace with someone or something if you don't recognize that they are really just a stick in Hashem's hand? Without emuna, this is extremely difficult - with emuna, it's easy.

Rabbi Arush has been stressing lately just how much merit there is in spreading emuna - endless merit. He had one of his students tell his story in one of the lectures, which is basically that someone gave him the CD "Stop Crying" in Hebrew and it changed his life. He did teshuva and joined the Yeshiva, and now has given out thousands of books and CDs himself. All of that is in the merit of the person who gave him one single CD, someone who didn't even know him. He also uses the analogy of a father who has a son who is very distant - what reward is that father willing to give to someone who helps bring his wayward son closer?!

Maybe you're wondering how you can really get involved in spreading emuna. Not everyone is cut out to speak to random people, after all, and I still struggle with it. Here are a few suggestions:

Carry emuna materials with you, and leave them around! I always have some Margoliot (mini books) and CDs with me - and guess what they are now in English! The Gems series! Contact me for info on how to get them sent to you and you can get them super discount in bulk in order to give out as well. Anyway, I keep a mix of them in my purse, and I leave a few in a waiting room wherever I am, wherever I go, with the other books and magazines usually out at such places. Leave them next to the cashier at a Jewish bookstore or restaurant. And you might be surprised how many easy situations Hashem sends you - oftentimes people ask me about my kemea (special necklace with Likutei Moharan inside) and end up with some mini books or a CD in their hands. It's actually very easy - have you heard of the Garden of Emuna? If they say yes - great, here is some more! And if they say no, I hand them Pearls of Emuna mini book - here, find out what it's all about, it changed my life and it can change yours too. Also, if you know someone going through a rough time, send them a book or a mini book or a CD. When someone sends me a story of someone in need, I send them The Garden of Emuna along with a donation anonymously. Pray about it and Hashem will certainly give you lots of great ideas that will be super easy for you!

Don't forget, of course, to do hafatzah with yourself. Carve out a few minutes a day or a week to read a book, listen to a CD, download one of the Chabura recordings, listen to a shiur on Emunah Channel - whatever! Personally, my few minutes of learning is like grounding time, time that then affects the rest of my day, because now I'm starting from a place of emuna, trying to remember emuna, connected to Hashem and to the truth. And even if my learning is at the end of my long day, it still makes a difference. All the difference, in fact.

Don't Sell Yourself as a Slave

In our current chapter in Women’s Wisdom, Rabbi Arush has been stressing the importance of hakarat hatov – appreciating the good. In essence, he explains, it is the foundation on which emuna is built – if you are not recognizing the Creator, you can't come to have emuna in Him. And if you don’t recognize the messenger that Hashem is sending, then for sure you will never come to recognize the One who sent him! This is the most basic level – to recognize that Hashem doesn’t owe you anything, and therefore everything you have, no matter who it comes from (or through), is a gift for which you must be grateful. At the highest level, this is being so grateful to Hashem for everything, that you cannot possibly sin against Him – how can I misuse the body Hashem gave me? The breath that Hashem gave me? (each and every one). So on and so forth…and this gratitude to Hashem is so encompassing that you spend every moment serving Hashem in gratitude, unable to move against His will.

It’s an incredibly high level, one I can sort of imagine – and that’s about it! But in working to practice his advice in my everyday life, I have noticed that it is truly changing my relationships. Even more fundamental to the gratitude is that you can't take anything for granted – and seeing just how much I do in fact take for granted has been really eye-opening to me. The mind can only hold so many things in the front of it – so when I was busy seeing how much I was lacking, how much wasn’t being done to my liking, etc. etc. – that is what I noticed. Now that I'm working on filling my gratitude quota for the day, I'm noticing just how much is being done around me, and there isn’t as much room for complaining, being disappointed, and feeling like I'm doing all the work and pulling the weight around here. It’s like a ton of frustration and tension has just been lifted from the house. Lo and behold, just as Rabbi Arush promises, as those around me notice that I actually noticed what they did, and really thanked them from my heart – indeed they are doing more to boot!

Anyway, please listen to the Chabura recordings and check it out in The Garden of Gratitude. I really cannot properly put into words the extreme change I am witnessing around me, happening now only because I'm really working on this idea with lots of prodding from Rabbi Arush (between the two books I'm learning, at the same time!). I want everyone to experience how much your life can and will change just from this incredibly simple piece of advice! You will see what you want to see – start praying and really trying only to notice the good in others, to pay attention to every single small good that you receive from anyone and thanking them for it!

Amazing news, outright miracles

I have beyond incredible news – Reb Shimon Arush and his family – all four of them – left the hospital today!!! Outright miracles!!!

That being said, it is not easy. The family still needs treatments (I don’t know details) and physical support, especially since neither parent is strong and healthy enough to deal with 2 healthy kids, let alone 2 sick kids just out of the hospital. Additionally, emotionally, now the reality of little Faige Chana z”l is really hitting them – I spoke today with Daniela, and my husband with Reb Shimon, and both of us felt the same thing after getting off the phone – they both sounded really weak, like we could hardly hear them. Hardly themselves. But Reb Shimon was really strong with my husband: “Rak Todah. Rak Todah” – “Only thank you.”

I hear Harav in my head over and over again: thank you Hashem that the rest of the family is alive. That in the merit of Faige Chana z”l who was taken as a korban for all of Klal Yisrael, they are alive to live through the suffering in the first place. Alive. And out of the hospital. To not deny the good done for us, in our pain over the loss.

Harav Arush was very strong in his shiur tonight – one way or another, a person must speak to Hashem. If you are not at the level of emuna to say thank you for everything, OK. So go to Hashem and say “It hurts me. It is hard for me. I don’t understand. Give me emuna. Give me the emuna to say thank you.” But go to Hashem!!! And to focus on your will – maybe you can't do something. But go to Hashem and say “I WANT to do this.” The only true free choice (bechira) that we have is our will, our good desires. The success (or failure) is only up to Hashem, but we can choose what we want, what we yearn for.

Holy yearning is the highest thing. In a class for Rebbe Nachman’s yahrtzeit a few years ago, Rabbi Arush spoke about the tremendous importance of good will and yearning for holiness, for emuna, for Hashem. The yearning creates angels which run around the world. A person can run into that angel, and suddenly, they wake up and desire what you yearned for! Even the biggest rasha (evil person), if he runs into that good will you created, and he has just a single thought of teshuva – just a thought! (hirhur) of doing teshuva – all his sins are erased, and now he can truly do teshuva because he doesn’t have harsh judgments on him. In the next world, you get the merit of this person doing teshuva, and you’re like – I don’t know him! Yes, but he did teshuva because of your desire!!!

So don’t get frustrated if you want to do something, and it’s not your level. You want to thank Hashem and not deny the good He did in healing Reb Shimon’s family, but you just can't get over the pain of losing Faige Chana z”l. It’s OK. Ask Hashem to give you that level, to give you complete emuna, to help you not kick the suffering and deny the good. Want to be at that level, and do your very best to thank Hashem. So you wanted to do that mitzvah, and you could not. Don’t let the Evil Inclination get you down – your holy will, and prayers to fulfill that mitzvah in the future are so precious. More precious, in fact, than even doing that mitzvah without will. In whatever you do or don’t accomplish, the main thing is the will!

Turn Around!

I had a funny occurrence this week. I read and speak Hebrew quite well actually, but the weird cursive fonts used on some packaging can still be very confusing. A particular brand name had me confused forever – it just didn’t make sense and I knew I had it wrong, but didn’t know how to pronounce it. As I was doing hitbodedut earlier in the week, I suddenly saw the package and realized that I didn’t know what it said because I had been reading it with a peh and really it was a shin (in cursive, they are basically the same shape, just the direction is reversed – one faces right, and the other faces left). Once I realized that I had the opposite letter, it read easily and it made sense!

So there I was, thinking – “OK Hashem, why this now, in my hitbodedut, while I'm trying to do chesbon hanefesh (spiritual accounting of my actions)?” The answer was apparently obvious once I asked it – clearly there are things in my life, and everyone’s life, that we cannot understand. They just don’t make sense. We try to wrap our minds around it, and we just end up more confused. What’s the problem? We are looking at the problem from the exact opposite angle of the truth – just like from one direction it is a peh, but see it from the other direction (ie flip it around) and you get a shin. I am looking po (here, seeing myself, the “I” or the ego) and the truth is understandable once you look shama (there, seeing Hashem).

And this is where we make our mistakes, and this is why the essential and most important aspect of doing teshuva is turning around. If G-d forbid we’re facing away from Hashem, then everything we see will be backwards. And unfortunately sometimes it does sorta look like it makes sense, even backwards, but we’re not seeing the truth at all. We have to first turn and face Hashem, and be willing to honestly look at our lives and where we are holding, and where it is leading us. Here are some simple examples, generalizations from my own life, Hashem has helped me see recently:

-I am so frustrated with my husband not filling his responsibilities, and he really isn’t! But I can't see that the pushing is making everything worse, just like the rubber band that bounces back the tighter you pull it…and as I am learning Women’s Wisdom (enter the importance of the good advice of the tzaddik in your life!!!) and working on appreciating him per the advice in his book. Everything is turning around so quickly, because instead of looking at my husband, I'm focusing on myself AND working on appreciating him, and now I see that he has been doing so much all this time, even if it wasn’t everything I expected…and big surprise, admitting that I am not fulfilling all of my responsibilities 100% either. All I had to do was turn around to see that the situation was the exact opposite of what I thought it was.

-I used to think that people holding this or that chumra were insane. Now that I'm sitting and learning pashut Halacha, I see that many things I thought were chumrot are not at all. In actuality, I was holding by many, many heterim, albeit that everyone around me also holds – but they aren’t the simple halachah. They are incredible leniencies that I can clearly see result in many halachic problems because people inevitably use (and I know they are using) the gaping holes created by them in ways the heter does not expect, and in some things, people aren’t even holding by the heter – the heter is being used in conditions that are clearly against the original conditions in the original teshuva that people are supposedly holding by! I am changing my life in big ways just to hold by the Shulchan Aruch plain and simple (as Rabbi Arush says – halevai, if only every person could just follow the Shulchan Aruch simply, forget one single chumra! And Rabbi Nachman requires everyone to learn Halacha every day, if only 2 halachot a day, for this reason as well – how can you hope to fulfill the Torah if you are not learning what you need to fulfill?). I thought the truth was one thing, but I see that it is the exact opposite.

Update on Arush Family

I am overjoyed to report that all are significantly on the mend! My husband was finally able to go tonight, and I was able to reach another friend who visited him at the end of the last week. Reb Shimon Arush is doing much, much better and the hospital is even getting ready to release him!!! Mamash complete miracles. Right now the word is that his wife is going to be kept in Shimirat Herayon (pregnancy hospital bedrest) until she delivers, and I hear that the children are doing much better, but I don’t have details about their release. Our friend believes that they are indeed expected to make a complete recovery, but I don’t have confirmation about that. We were hoping to get some details from Reb Shimon, but he needed to rest and obviously my husband was not going to press him.

I will continue to send updates as I have them.

Additionally, the following was printed in the Chut shel Chessed weekly Torah portion newsletter for this past Shabbos, Beshalach:

A person is required to bless on the bad just as he blesses on the good“Happy is the man that Hashem gives him suffering.” Happy are we that Hashem has chosen us to bring a pure, clean korban (offering) on the Altar of atonement, thank you Hashem that we merited almost two years of the free gift of the presence of the pleasant child Faige Chana z”l (her memory should be a blessing).

We have no choice other than to accept the suffering with love and joy, to thank Hashem that He left the other members of the family alive, and that He has graced us with the daat (holy knowledge) of gratitude and emuna.

Now we need to wake up Am Yisrael to have even more strength to know and believe with complete emuna that from the mouth on high evil does not leave (ie Hashem does not do anything evil), and we must not kick the direction of Hashem Blessed be He, our merciful Father, our perfect Rock – and certainly then we will see eye to eye (ie with our own eyes) how everything is only good for us and all of Am Yisrael, and through us accepting the suffering with love we will turn over the trait of judgment to the trait of mercy and bring redemption and salvation to the whole world.

Similarly when we see harsh judgments and the trait of judgment is taking the lives of gentle children who are free of sin, we must wake up and strengthen ourselves in all aspects of (mitzvot) between man and fellow man, and first and foremost, to distance ourselves from all discord and arguments and baseless hatred, only to honor one to the other and to speak kindly and with honor to every person, and in this merit Hashem will say to stop the slaughter, and send a complete healing to all the sick of Am Yisrael and in particular to those injured in the car crash: Shimon Machluf ben Miriam Varda, Daniela bat Zahava Chaya, Nachman ben Daniela and Miriam bat Daniela.

Emuna and Daat

There is such a need for daat (holy knowledge) in our lives, especially since everywhere the Evil Inclination is trying to fake us out and rob us of true love, joy, connection to Hashem, and everything good. How does he do this? He gives us the klipah, and only if we withstand the test of grabbing onto the klipah, can we get to the real deal. When does he do this? DAVKA when Hashem has the real deal ready and waiting for us! But the test to actually receive that goodness is first to say no to the false version.

There are so many areas where this is true – I’ll give you a few examples and a life story to make this more meaningful.

First off, every woman needs kavod – to feel beautiful, noble, upstanding. She can have this in truth, through being tzniut, and reserving herself for her husband (or future husband) and truly not wanting any other man to notice her. This is true kavod, because to give herself out to anyone else is to throw away her kavod and make herself cheap. The Evil Inclination (EI) tries to trick her, and give her kavod to someone else in other circumstances, someone who sweet talks her, gives her presents, etc and makes her feel good – the klipah of kavod, or the fake version. Sadly this fake version only brings her down, and now she is even more laid bare as she realizes that she has been used…but now her kavod is so broken, that she can fall prey even easier to the next fake who comes her way because she needs those reassuring, sweet words even more…R’ Arush says a woman can even die by this cycle r”l.

Another place I've been seeing this recently is regarding the supposed wisdom of the goyim. We are allowed to believe simple facts – Consumer Reports is a great place to check out safety ratings etc. for goods, for example, as a good friend of mine always says. We can believe those ratings, no problem. But if they say they have Torah – do not believe them! Meaning, if they say that they have a system of wisdom – throw it away. It isn’t wisdom at all. There is so much out there about parenting – but it is just the klipah of proper parenting. Who knows who these authors are, really. Do they even believe in G-d at all? What do they believe are the ideals a human being should be living up to in the first place? What kind of child are we trying to create, anyway? Do we even believe that a truth exists out there with a capital T? It is so easy for it to sound nice, and glossy, and beautiful but look at the foundations – it is IMPOSSIBLE that with such foundations, any of these popular parenting techniques are coming anywhere close to Truth – in this case, the Truth of how to properly raise a child and what we are trying to raise that child to be.

And even worse, how many modalities are out there in the supposedly Torah world, based on the same nonsense! They throw in Torah as proof that these non-Jewish ways of thinking are true. It is the worst form of lie there is. I recently went to an event where a big, big name in Chinuch spoke, and everything he brought as proofs, and explanations, and everything, EVERYTHING was non-Jewish – he even said so! And said that the frum world needs this information, and this is going to prevent children from going off the derech! Everything was completely upside-down in his speech – everything. I was in complete shock. It happens to be that I myself in a previous life studied this entire method he was teaching, except that he had it all wrong – it is true that what he taught would somewhat help people but the basis of all the issues he discussed in every situation was a fundamental flaw in middot. To use his techniques were simply to try to cover up those flaws, like arrogance, perfectionism, etc. – but really, those techniques would never truly be used properly because a person who flies off the handle easily isn’t going to remember to look at his victim in the eye and speak in a measured manner, for instance!

This doesn’t even start to touch the problems we see in shalom bayis, marital harmony. It is hard to read a book and have any clue on what basis the facts are coming from, and if it is truly from the Torah or from somewhere else. Let’s see, the author of a major book in the goyishe world is himself divorced – he clearly knows what he is talking about (Men are from Mars). Psychology – all based on Freud’s recant, when he had it right in the first place but no one wanted to admit that (if you don’t know what I'm referring to you are better off but if you really want to know, email me). Look deeply into its principles and you’ll see that none of it actually makes sense and brings forth a completely flawed view of the human mind.

The truth is that GIGO – Garbage In, Garbage Out. If you fill your mind with garbage, big surprise that garbage comes back out of it in the straightness, or crookedness, of your thinking. That is why we have to let go of our thinking, of our wisdom, of what we “get” and connect into the Tzaddik – someone who thinks straight, and can tell us what is true and not. Then we can apply our minds to see just how wise that truth is, how true that wisdom is, how it applies to our lives perfectly, etc. To follow anything else is to follow the klipa of wisdom, and not wisdom itself.

And what do you need to properly discern the klipah from the real deal? Daat – holy knowledge. And on what is that dependent? EMUNA.

First and foremost, we must strengthen ourselves that the Torah is the ONLY source of wisdom from Hashem Himself. That ONLY a Rabbi who comes from a completely and only Torah perspective can help us (as I quote all the time, R’ Arush says a lot of supposed “rabbis” out there giving advice on shalom bayis, who don’t have it themselves, they are all going to have a nice place in Gehinnom waiting for them for all the bad advice they gave out…I have some great stories if you want them. Including some “rabbis” who have given me “great advice” as well!). To believe that Hashem loves us, He knows everything, and He is the only answer to our problems…sure, you can talk to other people and they will speak to you in a voice – and more often than not, their answers will only lead you to more confusion because they are speaking from their own crooked, broken mind (everyone’s mind is crooked and broken BTW, except for the tzaddikim. They are sane, and we are not). Only Hashem can give you real answers – maybe not with a voice (although sometimes an idea in your head happens), but through lots of signs and signals, if only we would have the EMUNA to know that Hashem IS talking to us through all the things we experience and think, and search for the message, and continue speaking to Him about it all. It’s the longer short way – the answers aren’t quite as fast or obvious, but they are real answers, and when they come it is so obvious that this is the truth, this is the real solution. Speaking to others gets you the short long way – fast answers that only take you farther off track. If you really need to speak to someone, speak only to someone who is either the tzaddik himself (pick one that speaks to you – Rabbi Arush, Rabbi Shternbuch, Rabbi Schwartz, Rabbi Yaakov Ades, to name a few good ones) or someone who is already on a level that they threw out their own mind and can just quote you the tzaddik directly.

It is the only real solution. Along with honest prayer for emuna and daat, and learning emuna and daat via the books of true tzaddikim, only Hashem can give you a real solution to your problems.

With prayers that all of am Yisrael should strengthen themselves to learn about and pray for emuna and daat, and especially to have the daat to speak to Hashem for an hour every single day…

Humility in teshuva

Harav Arush stresses the importance of 30-60 minutes daily of cheshbon hanefesh (but no more or you might get depressed!), which cannot be superseded by anything, not even thanking Hashem! This time is important because in doing teshuva daily, we clean our souls every day. This helps us be happy because without strict judgments, things go smoother and faster in our lives. Additionally, we can actually do proper teshuva because we generally (hopefully, even with “pregnancy/nursing brain”!) remember what we did in the last 24 hours, from the last hitbodedut to the current one, to confess and speak to Hashem about everything we did. If we just try to do so Erev Rosh Hashanah and Erev Yom Kippur, how could we possibly hope to remember everything we need to confess?! And the more detailed the teshuva, the greater the future impact. Besides which asking Hashem for help with a particular chesron is of course much more potent than just asking for help once a year! It’s like cleaning your clothes – clean them when they are hardly dirty after one wear and they can be in good working order for years, always fresh and clean. Clean the same shirt only once a year after wearing after day and well, what is going to be with that shirt? A quick gentle cycle isn’t going to get it clean anymore, is it? And instead of mostly only needing water (which is Torah and prayer, sweet teshuva) you are going to need lots of soap and harsh detergents and G-d knows what suffering to get clean.

OK so here I am, now trying to start doing 30 minutes a day. And I start talking to Hashem about how hard it is! After all, I remember hearing way back when from rabbis who said people nowadays should not even try to do a real cheshbon hanefesh because we are too weak in this generation, we will just fall into depression if we see how low we are. Rabbi Nachman does not agree, vehemently so – this is just another example of pandering to the lowest part of a person instead of strengthening them to do the right thing. But truly, if cheshbon hanefesh can indeed make a person fall into all sorts of self-blame and frustrations, then it definitely does more harm than good. So I asked Hashem to help me do it properly.

Suddenly I realized, and this is the point: The problem with self-blame is actually that I think I should be at A, and when I discover that really I am at B, I will be upset with myself, blaming myself, how could I be only at B? What’s wrong with me? Etc Etc. But this is actually a sheker, a lie based on geiva, arrogance. It is arrogant to believe that I should be at A instead of B, because who am I anyway, that I should be in any particular place?

But it is really so much deeper than that. The truth is: WHO CARES WHERE I AM??? HASHEM DOES NOT!!!

Hashem does not care that a person is at level A or B, high or low. Hashem cares only that each person on their level 1. Knows there level and is happy with it and 2. Strives to go up, to come even closer to Him.

That is it! No more. It doesn’t matter where you are or what you have done, or what place you may find yourself in now. Not at all! Hashem does not care. He only cares that you are truthful with Him about where you are, where you are holding, what your actions, thoughts and feelings are – and that you want, strive and pray to do better!

Hashem loves you just the same, no matter what your level is. In fact, He actually loves you more and is more proud of you for coming to Him with humility as outlined above, as opposed to being angry or upset that you aren’t someone else on someone else’s level, because the former is truth and the latter is falsehood and arrogance, which Hashem hates. And if you fall into complaining about being on a particular level, oy va voy.

And with this new understanding that I have NOTHING to be upset or ashamed about whatsoever! And Hashem loves me very much on my level, trying to be honest and come closer to Him! Then I was able to honestly speak about what I am struggling with without the shame that has kept my mouth shut until now.

I hope it helps you too!!!