First things first – welcome back from a long break! There has been lots going on here, including Pesach and a trip to Ch”l but Baruch Hashem we are basically back on time, and back on track, now. Not that the Pesach notes have finally been finished, but at least I got my kitchen turned back over before Shavuos! And I think I mostly have found everything too, which is a nice bonus.
Due to a special wedding, next week the Chabura restarts but on MONDAY evening June 8, 2015 – 8:15PM. Please come on time since we want to be done with introductions and learning by 8:30PM at the latest with Hashem’s help. Thereafter it will again be on Tuesday evenings, 8:15PM. No need to RSVP but if you plan on coming, do let me know. Also if you are interested in coming but want a different day of the week, please let me know since there is some flexibility and we’ll do what works for the most people! And of course be in touch if you need help getting here (near Shimon Hatzadik train and bus stops).
In the meantime, I admit that I have not gone ahead in Women’s Wisdom but I did finish the chapter I was learning in The Garden of Gratitude. Interestingly, I feel like whatever I am learning in Rabbi Arush seems to be happening in my life (I mentioned this to my husband, who warned me not to read some of his books in that case! Ha ha). Anyway, for the past few weeks I feel bombarded with little trials, which Rabbi Arush explains are real suffering, but compared to big problems can hardly be called suffering at all. But he gives an incredible formula based on the difference between the 3 days it took to get to the border of Israel from the Yam Suf, versus the 11 days it should have taken, and the 40 years punishment we received. Based on these ratios, the example is like this: You are judged to lose $100 in order to atone for some sin. Hashem sends you a test – you lose $20. If you accept losing that $20 with love and most importantly recognize that it came as a result of Divine providence from Hashem, thanking Hashem for losing the money and doing your best to do teshuva – then not only did you just pay only 1/5 of what you really owe, but then Hashem wipes from your sins the equivalent of $100,000!!! In fact, He wipes all your sins clean, just for the tiny suffering of losing $20, which is hardly suffering at all. But don’t accept it with love, thus denying Hashem’s goodness and start complaining, thus bringing more judgment upon yourself, and now the entire $100,000 stands to be lost G-d forbid.
It’s a very powerful parable. Of course most of our lives we cannot see these spiritual accountings with such clarity – that’s the whole point of the test. Anyway I feel absolutely bombarded by days where things just don’t go my way, but thank G-d nothing is really “wrong” so to speak. Well, the baby going to sleep at 2AM really IS wrong if you ask me, but that’s the whole point – working on recognizing that things are not all supposed to go just so. Maybe that is easy street but it isn’t the point of life to be on easy street, hanging out on the beach with a cocktail, plenty of money in the bank and all your needs provided and secure. In fact, that is actually the curse of the snake – to eat dust, and thereby never have any need for a connection to Hashem. Indeed, Rabbi Arush says that if someone doesn’t experience even the slightest bit of suffering for 40 days, they should be quite terrified, since clearly Hashem is repaying their good deeds in this world and they have no share in the World to Come!
What I realized is that the main point is recognizing that you don’t really want that super easy life you think you want. That’s what your body wants, but living for your body is pretty miserable, since it’s always uncomfortable and no matter how much you try to satisfy it, it continues to want incrementally more. Besides which, physical pleasure doesn’t hold a candle to any form of spiritual pleasure – the best proof of that is that no amount of money in the world will make a healthy parent sell their child. That’s because the physical pleasure of money can’t touch the spiritual pleasure of being a parent. So when faced with an obstacle, the question is NOT what your Evil Inclination wants you to think, which is “I don’t want this! This is pain, this is difficult, and I want easy street!” Really, you don’t have that option, because Hashem loves you, and hence you are not on Easy Street (see above). Really the only question is: “Do I recognize Hashem and try to say thank you and accept His Divine providence, even though I don’t understand it – or bring more judgment upon myself by denying that and complaining?” That is really the choice. You will suffer whether you like it or not – it’s the acceptance of the suffering by recognizing the Source, or not, that is actually in your power.
Of course training yourself to do this in everyday life takes, well – a lifetime! So Rabbi Arush says – ask Hashem to help you, and then every day review your inevitable failings, do teshuva, recognize at that point that what happened was from Hashem, apologize for not accepting it at the time and getting angry, blaming the messenger, or whatever, and move on. Hashem won’t hold it against you, so neither should you! He also adds to expect this stage to last years – yes, YEARS – before you start actually living your emuna in the moment and not losing it in the moment. So don’t beat yourself up or expect yourself to just get it right away. Like everything from Rabbi Arush, it is abundantly simple and yet incredibly difficult to actually do.
So for instance, I recently worked on thanking Hashem for the vacuum cleaner dropping on my foot since the handle broke, and having to ice my big toe a few times a day for days. Thank G-d the nail survived. Thank G-d the foot survived. Thank G-d it healed and no long term effects noted. My option was not to avoid having this happen. Really, my option is – accept this with love, or take upon 5,000 times more suffering than this very painful big toe! Well, I guess I’ll take just the toe! I almost screamed out “That’s it, we’re replacing this vacuum cleaner NOW!” But thankfully my husband was nowhere around for me to complain to him, and by the time he came home I was much calmer. And noted – yes I need to be more careful with it, yes we do need a new one, and yes Hashem also caused it to drop on my foot either way.
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