The First Commandment

Frumkeit isn't about doing this or that, although that is certainly a big part of being frum. In the end, frumkeit is all about “ani H’ Elokecha” – the first commandment. That commandment is basically saying – you shall follow ME! and not anyone else. Don’t hold by the secular world. Don’t hold by your own desires. Don’t compare yourselves to them. Hold by the Torah. Take upon yourself the yoke of Torah. Remember Me, remember My commandments, and be holy because I am Holy.

The first commandment is a commandment to have a certain attitude towards the world – an attitude that there is a G-d who gave us a Torah that we must live and die by – and judge ourselves and others by. We must be able to look out at the world, and say “this is right” and “this is wrong” not based on the morality of the society around us, but based on the Torah.
Just because Joe Shmoe down the street owns a TV and isn't a violent person doesn’t mean that TV is OK. And just because Joe’s wife is a “football widow” doesn’t mean that a husband can tell a wife that she shouldn’t be upset when he skips out on helping out around the house to watch the big game because “hey –at least I'm not Joe.” And he certainly shouldn’t say: “well, Joe does it! Everyone watches sports – it’s OK.” The husband may not be as bad as Joe, but that doesn’t mean the Torah says that what he’s doing is acceptable. And “everyone doing it” certainly doesn’t mean that it’s appropriate for a Jew either.

Hence, the first commandment details a primary concept: Hashem is G-d – judge yourself according to His rules, and not Joe’s down the street. We must accept the Torah upon ourselves and take on the Torah’s attitudes about life, reality, etc.

And there is a very good reason for this commandment: accepting Hashem and His Torah is a prerequisite of being a holy person and living up to our potential. If you judge yourself by Joe’s rules, then you're reducing yourself to Joe’s level. But if you want to be on an elevated level and reach your full potential, you have to judge yourself from that high level – and there is no level higher than G-d’s.

Hashem IS Driving

I had the most amazing epiphany this morning.

I have been overwhelmed by negative feelings lately. I can't get out of bed until the last possible moment, when I finally overcome my tremendous desire to fall asleep for the rest of my life because I have to get up (I guess all those “musts” in my life that I'm usually fighting are actually serving a good purpose now). People are starting to talk about “anti-depressants” and “trying to take the edge off” the tremendous emotional pain I'm walking around with.

Even more, the trigger situation has really deteriorated, directly resulting in my chronic back disc issue flaring up. BARUCH HASHEM right now it has gotten much better, but still on a daily basis – and a week ago, on a moment by moment basis – I am reminded of my situation (as if I could forget?) by the nagging pain in my back and legs. In psychology, there is a nice little formula that describes my situation perfectly:

Pain + Non-Acceptance of Pain/Situation = SUFFERING.

So I'm getting whammed by both physical and emotional pain right now, and I admit – I have not been accepting it all so well. I feel like I've been drowning.

Even hisbodedus has been suffering. I know I must be doing something wrong because I feel worse, not better, when I'm done (note to self – re-read chapters on proper and improper prayer in The Garden of Yearning). I'm using everything in my toolbox – it could be much worse, Hashem loves me, look at all the little things that are going well, I may feel like I'm dying but B’H” I'm not, and there are people who would take this trial in a heartbeat compared to their own…nothing has lifted the fog for more than a few moments.

I have been feeling utter despair – I don’t know how to get out of this situation and I'm literally frozen by my current pain, and the knowledge that under any and all circumstances it will get worse before it gets better. I absolutely believe that gam zu yaavor – this too shall pass – but I'm terrified by the fire and brimstone I'm going to have to endure before I get there. I have a gigantic, life altering choice before me – and I don’t know which road to take. It’s like I'm sitting in a car, and the engine is running, but the signs at the fork in the road are all turned around. I know one way is hell, and the other is Heaven – but I don’t know which is which. And I just can't make myself hit the gas and drive on either road. I am totally immobilized by fear.

Don’t think I haven’t been davening (or at least trying, as I've explained). But an answer doesn’t seem to be forthcoming. My Rabbi said point blank: “I don’t know. I think you’ll know in the right time.” Inside, I'm screaming: I want answers!!! Where the heck is Eliyahu HaNavi when I need him? Hashem, I simply don’t know what to do! I’ll do whatever You want – but what IS it???

Then this morning it hit me. I'm not driving. Hashem is driving.

But it’s not just that. I feel like I'm not moving, I'm frozen, I don’t know where to go and what to do and and and… AND Hashem IS driving.

I'm not sitting here immobile, looking at my dreams in the distance as they fade into gray while I sit and watch my friends achieve them. Hashem IS driving my car, and yes eventually I will need to veer to the right or the left. The essential thing is that I'm not standing still in the meantime – even if it feels like I can't continue down my path in life until I make this decision.

Pesach Cleaning

A little thought on Pesach, the holiday of our freedom, which is coming up shortly, and the Passover cleaning that I at least dread starting!

Why do we use diamonds on engagement and wedding bands? There is the well known idea that marriage is to “polish your diamond” and that a marriage should be unbreakable, symbolic of the fact that nothing can cut a diamond besides another diamond. I would like to posit another idea: diamonds are judged not only by their size, but also by their clarity. The best diamond is one that has no opaqueness and no blemishes. When you look at such a diamond, the beauty is in the tremendous dazzle of the clear white reflecting in so many colors around the room.

This is our souls. The Gemara says that Sara and Esther were among the most beautiful women who lived, because the beauty and purity of their souls shone through their bodies – and we see this in terms of the radiant faces of tzaddikim as well. However, sin causes the soul to be increasingly opaque and concealed within our bodies. The more blemishes and opaqueness, the less the radiance of the soul can shine through the gray and black muck. The white purity of our inner diamond can be so obscured that, much like a raw diamond, you might mistake it for a sooty rock and never dream that it is capable of being so exquisitely beautiful!

In the secular world, shmutz is commonplace, accepted, and everywhere. The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition, Maxim, advertising, the girls that cheer for every sports team – you name it. The hard core stuff is just as numerous, a centimeter below the surface. A secular person might even laugh and say: What’s the big deal?

But in a Torah home, this has no place. Kedushah and impurity simply don’t mix – it’s like oil and water. We are supposed to be a light unto the nations, and commanded by Hashem to be an am kadosh – a holy nation. There can be no brachah and hatzlachah in a house, and certainly no shalom bayis, without kedushah. It’s not punishment; it’s simple spiritual consequences.

We have to look deep into our own souls and clean not only our physical spaces of chametz – of the ego and shmutz that we think is so acceptable most of the time – but also our spiritual “spaces.” We need to dust ourselves off, even more than the cabinets! The energy of the month of Nissan which is coming up shortly is all about breaking free of boundaries, of making gigantic spiritual leaps – symbolized by the deer, which is the symbol of the month.

Right now, we are in Mitzrayim – in a closed, tight space. The situation is Eretz Yisrael seems to be getting tighter by the day, especially in light of the various attacks that have happened in recent weeks (reported by Mystical Paths and other blogs). There is no “natural” solution to this problem, and I think it is no coincidence that these events are happening now, as opposed to during a different time of the calendar.

We just celebrated Purim, which took place in what is now modern day Iran. Once again, a powerful Iranian/Persian evil man is threatening to eradicate the Jews, and is funding and training all the terrorist activities in Gaza/West Bank/Lebanon.

Hopefully, we just “cleaned up” our physical act through the mitzvot of Purim – sanctifying our money through giving charity, our food by having the Purim seudah, and our mitzvot bein adam l’chaveiro – between us and our fellow Jews – by exchanging gifts. Now, we need to clean up our spiritual act in preparation for Passover. The diamond is there – but it is so covered in rock that even the diamond has forgotten its essence. Bezrat Hashem, by doing teshuva and living in a way that keeps our diamond sparkling, we can merit the yeshua - tremendous, miraculous salvation, that we so desperately need – both in the land of Israel, and for the people of Israel.

Emuna from the Depths

I had the most amazing revelation during hisbodedut this morning. I have been fighting tooth and nail to maintain the upperhand against the Yetzer and depression, and fighting a losing battle. I was overwhelmed with this sad, overwhelmed, pained feeling. My heart was blocked. I tried to talk to Hashem, but all that came out were various scenarios of how shocked people will be when they hear the news. Despite my best efforts to smile, despair and hopelessness were setting in. I was miserable.

Then I found a fantastic parking spot by the train, all the more meaningful since it will help me get home faster and easier for Shabbat. I said “thank you Hashem, Hashem loves me!” And it hit me like a lightning bolt – “HELLO!!! Hashem LOVES me! He’s doing this for my best, even if it’s painful!!! Why are you sad? Why haven’t you been using the lesson you learned in ‘Hashem Loves You’?”

Then I realized: emuna isn't only for when things are good. You have to be happy even – especially – in times of crisis. I had been giving myself a bit of a pass, thinking “I'm trying to be happy. H’ understands if I just can't do it – it’s too hard. This crisis is just too hard. Everyone understands that I'm miserable right now.”

Of course that’s not true. This situation is a test for me too – will I have emuna through it? Will I fall apart? In fact, why on earth WOULD he do teshuva when he’s got me angry, sullen, depressed and bitter all the time? Has pounding someone into teshuva ever worked? Where the heck is my emuna? Maybe it’s my emuna that’s going to turn this thing around in the first place – it all depends on me! Moreover, is there some sort of heter in the Torah that says that you can be mean and criticize someone just because he’s done something really terrible to you and you're hurt and angry? I've felt justified in doing so – mistakenly.

In fact, I've been depressed as if the verdict had already come down. OK, I'm being a realist – but has H’ ever worked by “realism”? If so, the Jewish people would be long gone and many of the miracles I have seen in my own life wouldn’t have happened – because by the natural course of the world, they “shouldn’t” have happened. So why not here? Again, where’s your emuna?

So I pulled out my Tikkun Klali and started saying Tehillim – not with a broken, crushed and depressed spirit, but with joy and emuna in my heart. And these words popped out at me from Tehillim Mem Beis (the translation may not be exact, but these are the words I said to myself from the Hebrew):

“Ma tishtochachi nafshi? U’ma tehemi alai? Hochili l’Elokim! Ki od odeinu yeshuot panai v’Elokai.”
Why are you saddened, my soul? And why do you feel downtrodden and walked all over? Hope to Hashem! Because you will continue to thank Him for the miraculous salvations He brings you, and He is my G-d.

I repeated it over and over again and tried to get it to sink in. After I was done with Tikkun Klali, I said Tehillim 20, 23, 121 and 143, my personal emuna favorites. And then I sang in my head songs from those Tehillim as I walked to work and I feel much better. B’H” it’s going to be a good day! The biggest thing is that the heaviness on my heart is gone. Now my biggest prayer is that I can keep this up.

Worth Referencing

Arut7
13 Shevat 5768, 1/20/2008
Coincidence, or Message From G-d?
by Tamar Yonah

It seems like this is just too uncanny that these are all 'coincidences'. On January 8, 2008 the day that President Bush left the USA for Israel in order to lay the framework for the establishment of a Palestinian State and the division of Jerusalem for its capital , a freak 'January' tornado swept through a city in Bush's own country. The place hit was 'Jerusalem', Arkansas. Coincidence?

One church was totally destroyed in the tornado’s path. The name of it was “Mt. Zion” Community Church. Coincidence?

One man was killed in the tornado. He was a ‘Pope’ County resident. His name, was Billy Carter.
On Sunday of last week, I read out a report about this 'freak tornado' which hit Jerusalem, Arkansas. (Tovia Singer spoke about the tornado on his show after mine, on Wednesday) I was emailed by a few people last week to write on the tornado, but I didn’t have time to do it until now. So, let’s examine some interesting ‘coincidences’ here.

1) A tornado in the month of JANUARY?

2) This tornado hits a city called ‘Jerusalem’.

3) It destroys a church called, ‘Mt. Zion’.

4) Hits in a place called ‘Pope’ County

All this on the day Bush leaves for Israel to wage war on G-d by going against the Bible and dividing the Land of Israel.

The very next day, Thursday January 9th, another calamity strikes America. As Israel experiences a very heavy and unusual heavy fog during Bush’s visit, central Florida gets hit with a freak heavy fog. A mega 70 car accident takes place. The worst highway disaster in Florida’s history. What is interesting here is the number 70. A neighbor of mine whom I often give a lift to, was waiting at the gas station near where Bush’s entourage passed on its way to Ramallah. The roads were closed down and he was stuck waiting and watching. He saw Bush’s entourage pass by. He counted 70 cars.

70 cars driving with Bush to Ramallah in heavy fog, and 70 cars in a horrible accident in Florida under heavy fog. Coincidence?

Let me remind you again what I wrote in a blog on the significance of the number 70 that we keep seeing in the news these last few weeks. The number 70 is the number of nations that met in Paris, France, to raise billions of dollars to create a viable (enemy) Palestinian State. 70 is the number that the letters Gog and Magog add up to. Gog and Magog is the war of the Nations of the world who come against Jerusalem and Israel. And the nations of the world, numbers 70 according to the Bible as explained in the story of the Tower of Babel where G-d mixes up the people with 70 languages, who then disperse to become 70 different nations.

Is all of this JUST a coincidence?

How Do We Endure?

The story explained by Mystical Paths in Israel has been pretty scary. US armed forces following buses bringing kids to school, police with bats being rough with kids daring to play in the streets of Geula, more rockets in Sderot – and Bush offering a Palestinian state with East Jerusalem as its capital as reward for their terrorism. It sure seems like no one cares about the safety of Jews in their own land – but put Bush’s safety in jeopardy and the entire country shuts down (with of course no care again given to the Jews affected). How do we endure this suffering?

The same way that our ancestors did in Egypt – infallible belief that HASHEM CARES, we WILL be redeemed, and they will pay for every OUNCE of our suffering!

This redemption is supposed to mimic the redemption from Egypt. Here’s one big similarity:
In Egypt, we were supposed to spend a specific number of years in slavery. However, the Egyptians reveled in their power over us, and subjected us to much more severe suffering than had been ordained – and they were made to suffer, middah k’neged middah, for both enjoying giving us the suffering we were supposed to get, and making us suffer even more (and we were redeemed early).

Now, it is the same thing. We have paid twice the suffering allotted, and the goyim have indeed – and continue to – revel in the continued suffering they inflict on Jews. It feels never ending, and so, so unfair. The double standard is so blatant, and yet no matter how much we protest, write letters to the White House, our representatives, and the media, it just doesn’t change. It’s because they don’t want to listen. They don’t want to hear the truth. They continuously choose to harden their hearts against us.

Just remember that they don’t run the show – Hashem does. No matter how much they fight against His people, no matter what they try to do to erase us and everything we stand for off the map, whether they do so using Katyushas or “peace” treaties and politics – they will not succeed. They will become just like the Egyptians, who were wiped off the map and weren’t heard from again for hundreds of years, and in truth, never really recovered even half of what they had been previously. “Hashem ish milchamah” – Hashem is a Man of war. It is not the IDF that fights our battles, nor the Israeli government that it is our spokesman, but Hakadosh Baruch Hu Himself.

“There is an Ear that hears, and an Eye that sees, and everything is written in the Book, and the signature of each man is transcribed therein.” When the Day of Judgment comes, the goyim that were against us will fight the verdict, but lo and behold, it will be their own signature. They will get their due and we will rejoice – not for sweet revenge, but in celebration of Justice and the fulfillment of His word. Amen!

Link to Mystical Paths Post: http://mysticalpaths.blogspot.com/2008/01/well-this-explains-lot-or-not.html

Reality Check: Comparisons between Iraq and Israel

I would like to comment on the amazing "coincidence" that is happening in the Middle East, specifically designed by G-d to make us wake up:

1. In Israel, there is a Green Line separating Israel from the Palestinian Arabs, designed to safeguard Jews

a. In Iraq, there is a Green Line separating the Americans from the Arabs, designed to safeguard Americans.

2. Israel is faced with recurrent suicide bombers who try to kill civilians any which way – in markets, on the roads, buses, etc.

a. America is faced with recurrent suicide bombers who try to kill soldiers any which way – in markets, on the roads, car bombs, etc.

3. Due to the insurgence of terror, Israel must operate checkpoints to be able to monitor people and items coming in and out of the border. These are contested and many people complain about them, saying that they are an affront to the rights of the Arabs.

a. Due to the insurgence of terror, America must operate checkpoints to be able to monitor people and items coming in and out of Iraq/the border/different safe zones. Where are the human rights people now?

4. Granted the severe situation, Israel finds itself in a quandary, faced with a seemingly endless situation with opponents who don't fight fair and won't talk – or talks, and lies. Many people say that Israel should leave (cease to exist/give up more Israeli land).

a. Granted the severe situation America finds itself in a quandary, faced with a seemingly endless situation with opponents who don't fight fair and won't talk – or talks, and lies. Many people say that America should leave.

I am sure that there are many more similarities that I can't think of right now. Do we learn? Does America/the Western World stop limiting and fighting Israel's right to defend itself, even as they are forced to take the exact same measures to protect themselves? Even more so – America is trying to protect soldiersand Israel is trying to protect civilians who shouldn't be in the war in the first place. Should the civilians not have at least as many, if not more, safeguards than soldiers?

We are living in a time of great illusion, where truth is twisted and everything is backwards. And still, no one wants to look, they just want to say "Get outa my face." America – and many Israelis for that matter - just want the situation to "go away" and are not listening to the Arab who is cursing them with death in the meantime.

The situation isn't going away, because both parties have to want it. In reality, one party has told us numerous times what it wants – a world without Jews, and a world without Americans/Christianity/the West either, and they are happy to kill us and themselves to get it. We have to be willing and able to fight to the death to meet the challenge, and we're too stuffed with materialism and excess to want to do anything besides retreat to our nice little beachside second home in La-La Land.

Be Wary

Sat-Sun-Mon before Annapolis (Thanksgiving weekend): Strong earthquakes in Japan, Indonesia and India
Thurs before Annapolis: 2 medium earthquakes in Jerusalem (actually I only saw one reported - possible one and aftershock), 7.4 (REALLY BIG) earthquake in the Caribbean Islands just off Martinique (most popular island?) and Fort-of-France and another medium earthquake in Chile.

The world is not on solid footing. I would be interested to see stats of probability of earthquakes in all those places at once, granted that they're on different plates. Interesting though that America and Europe were not hit with natural disasters.

Even more: June 15 a press release was given stating that the Old City of Jerusalem and the Al-Aksa Mosque in particular are in danger of severe collapse if there is a strong earthquake in Jerusalem, which the city is supposedly overdue for. This is especially because these areas are built on rubble as opposed to rock.

The prophets say that before Moshiach comes, there will be a great earthquake in Israel, and "every wall shall fall, and the mountains shall be laid bare." Nice way to get rid of that disgusting dome, Hashem, that rests on stolen land. Very clever.