Countdown to the 3 Weeks and Video Awesomeness

Thank you to my good friend Mrs. Roseberger for pointing this one out to me: https://emunahchannel.com/make-god-your-best-friend-amazing-advice-on-how-to-connect/

And a particularly awesome shiur from Rabbi Cassouto: https://emunahchannel.com/be-yourself-find-who-you-are/ I had such hashgacha pratis listening to this - I had paused it, and then something happened. Someone questioned me strongly on someting I had said standing on the side of kedusha and I was confused. Then my son said - turn the shiur back on. And there was Rabbi Cassouto - so what if the world is against you! Believe in yourself! If the whole world is against you then you are on the side of kedusha!

 

Now onto some world news: http://www.jewishpress.com/news/breaking-news/us-officials-warn-of-isis-attacks-on-july-4/2015/06/27/ US Officials are warning that ISIS may be planning terror attacks this coming Shabbos July 4 – even though we fast on Sunday because of Shabbos, this Shabbos is still the infamous day of mourning called the 17^th of Tammuz when the walls of Jerusalem were breached, among other major terrible things that happened to the Jewish people on that date. The situation is Europe doesn’t look much better, what with a major anti-semitic rally being planned for this Shabbos as well in the religious community of Golders Green – the posters on Facebook for it look like something straight out of the Holocaust. Outright ghastly. I can’t bear to copy it but if you want to see it head over here: http://palmtreeofdeborah.blogspot.co.il/2015/06/the-one-week-countdown-to-17th-of-tamuz.html. Who can forget the Freedom Flotilla III happening as we speak and the death of Bar Kappara Erev Shabbos Hashem should avenge his blood – he was a 70 year old farmer beaten to death by Muslim “Palestinians” (amazingly his name means “son of / being an atonement) and a sweep of terrorism around the world including Tunisia and France.

 

What does this all have to do with emuna? Well Rabbi Arush always says forget the news, the news is everything is for the very best! Let’s go deeper though. It is so easy and common to throw your hands up and say “We need Moshiach now! There is so much suffering in Klal Yisrael! Sicknesses, terrorism, anti-semitism, everyone is suffering! Dai! Enough!” In fact, I feel like I hear this all the time – “There are so many tzaros in Klal Yisrael.” Rabbi Arush had harsh words for such talk in the weekly newsletter for the Yeshiva for this past Shabbos Parshas Chukat – “To speak like this is Lashon Hara against Hashem and it is kefira gemura – total heresy.” I gasped – what harsh words! But it is true! Total heresy! Speaking against Hashem as if He is doing something bad, so to speak! Gasp! And I think like this all the time…

 

Hashem loves us and does EVERYTHING for the best – EVERYTHING bar none. He explains that we aren’t continuing to be punished for the crying we did in the desert at the Sin of the Spies, when Hashem said we will “cry for generations.” We are still being punished because even today, we are still crying and complaining – just like this. “There are so much tzaros in Klal Yisrael.” Wait, is Hashem evil G-d forbid? Is he doing something unjust to the Jewish people? Such statements bring on harsh judgments because then Shamayim opens up the records – is something wrong happening, something unjust? And they find only that Hashem is actually being too lenient with us! Just the opposite is true – Rabbi Arush stated emphatically twice “Everything is just fine with Klal Yisrael. The only singular lacking and problem that we have is that we lack daat – holy knowledge.” That is the daat to thank Hashem for everything. That is the daat to have the emuna to know that ein od milvado – there is only Hashem – no anti-Semites, no ISIS, no Supreme Court, no mother, no father, no husband, no wife, no kids, no mother in law – only Hashem who uses various sticks to prod someone to return to Him. And that since He does everything, and everything He does is good, with no exceptions – this is also good. But in order for it to be truly good for eternity, we have to use these sticks to get closer to Him, to repent from our sins, to change our lives, to yearn to serve Him better.

 

And I am afraid to say this, but here goes. Rabbi Arush mentioned also in the parsha sheet that someone who recognizes that everything is from Hashem, and uses everything in His life to do teshuva and improve Himself, then everything is really good for him and he feels no suffering at all. Since the purpose is to get closer to Hashem, and all his suffering is fulfilling this purpose, then really everything is for his eternal good and he actually feels no suffering in it at all, since He is enjoying the closeness to Hashem! There is no evil in the world at all! But in The Garden of Emuna Rabbi Arush mentions something else that brings this point even farther – he says that such a person cannot be touched by anything evil at all, since he relies completely on Hashem. But G-d forbid if a person lacks this emuna, and thinks that things are random G-d forbid, or thinks that there is evil in the world and does not see Hashem and His goodness – then G-d forbid, something evil can befall such a person. This is because of the spiritual rule that whoever you fear, that thing rules over you. So if you see Hashem and fear Hashem, and know Hashem has complete control over your life - then Hashem really does have complete control over your life, and truly no evil can befall you. But if you fear anything else, and think something else has power, then Hashem c”v hands the control over that person to the object that he fears!!! Since that person has chosen to see X in place of Hashem, then that X will be made to look like it has power, since Hashem has to continue to give the person the free choice to see Him – or not. It is truly terrifying, Hashem should save us all!!!

 

We must go into these Three Weeks of Mourning only with thanking and praising Hashem for everything. If we could truly do that, then we would completely correct the sin of crying and complaining for no reason, and instead of needing a reason to cry since we are crying anyway Hashem yishmor, and instead of more tears coming to correct the sin of tears of complaints against Hashem, we can correct those tears of complaining with songs and praises to Hashem – and then these weeks will be weeks of joyous celebration, the coming of Moshiach b’rachamim, and the rebuilding of our holy Temple in Jerusalem, speedily and in our days AMEN.

Dropping the Vacuum Cleaner

First things first – welcome back from a long break! There has been lots going on here, including Pesach and a trip to Ch”l but Baruch Hashem we are basically back on time, and back on track, now. Not that the Pesach notes have finally been finished, but at least I got my kitchen turned back over before Shavuos! And I think I mostly have found everything too, which is a nice bonus.

 

Due to a special wedding, next week the Chabura restarts but on MONDAY evening June 8, 2015 – 8:15PM. Please come on time since we want to be done with introductions and learning by 8:30PM at the latest with Hashem’s help. Thereafter it will again be on Tuesday evenings, 8:15PM. No need to RSVP but if you plan on coming, do let me know. Also if you are interested in coming but want a different day of the week, please let me know since there is some flexibility and we’ll do what works for the most people! And of course be in touch if you need help getting here (near Shimon Hatzadik train and bus stops).

 

In the meantime, I admit that I have not gone ahead in Women’s Wisdom but I did finish the chapter I was learning in The Garden of Gratitude. Interestingly, I feel like whatever I am learning in Rabbi Arush seems to be happening in my life (I mentioned this to my husband, who warned me not to read some of his books in that case! Ha ha). Anyway, for the past few weeks I feel bombarded with little trials, which Rabbi Arush explains are real suffering, but compared to big problems can hardly be called suffering at all. But he gives an incredible formula based on the difference between the 3 days it took to get to the border of Israel from the Yam Suf, versus the 11 days it should have taken, and the 40 years punishment we received. Based on these ratios, the example is like this: You are judged to lose $100 in order to atone for some sin. Hashem sends you a test – you lose $20. If you accept losing that $20 with love and most importantly recognize that it came as a result of Divine providence from Hashem, thanking Hashem for losing the money and doing your best to do teshuva – then not only did you just pay only 1/5 of what you really owe, but then Hashem wipes from your sins the equivalent of $100,000!!! In fact, He wipes all your sins clean, just for the tiny suffering of losing $20, which is hardly suffering at all. But don’t accept it with love, thus denying Hashem’s goodness and start complaining, thus bringing more judgment upon yourself, and now the entire $100,000 stands to be lost G-d forbid.

 

It’s a very powerful parable. Of course most of our lives we cannot see these spiritual accountings with such clarity – that’s the whole point of the test. Anyway I feel absolutely bombarded by days where things just don’t go my way, but thank G-d nothing is really “wrong” so to speak. Well, the baby going to sleep at 2AM really IS wrong if you ask me, but that’s the whole point – working on recognizing that things are not all supposed to go just so. Maybe that is easy street but it isn’t the point of life to be on easy street, hanging out on the beach with a cocktail, plenty of money in the bank and all your needs provided and secure. In fact, that is actually the curse of the snake – to eat dust, and thereby never have any need for a connection to Hashem. Indeed, Rabbi Arush says that if someone doesn’t experience even the slightest bit of suffering for 40 days, they should be quite terrified, since clearly Hashem is repaying their good deeds in this world and they have no share in the World to Come!

 

What I realized is that the main point is recognizing that you don’t really want that super easy life you think you want. That’s what your body wants, but living for your body is pretty miserable, since it’s always uncomfortable and no matter how much you try to satisfy it, it continues to want incrementally more. Besides which, physical pleasure doesn’t hold a candle to any form of spiritual pleasure – the best proof of that is that no amount of money in the world will make a healthy parent sell their child. That’s because the physical pleasure of money can’t touch the spiritual pleasure of being a parent. So when faced with an obstacle, the question is NOT what your Evil Inclination wants you to think, which is “I don’t want this! This is pain, this is difficult, and I want easy street!” Really, you don’t have that option, because Hashem loves you, and hence you are not on Easy Street (see above). Really the only question is: “Do I recognize Hashem and try to say thank you and accept His Divine providence, even though I don’t understand it – or bring more judgment upon myself by denying that and complaining?” That is really the choice. You will suffer whether you like it or not – it’s the acceptance of the suffering by recognizing the Source, or not, that is actually in your power.

 

Of course training yourself to do this in everyday life takes, well – a lifetime! So Rabbi Arush says – ask Hashem to help you, and then every day review your inevitable failings, do teshuva, recognize at that point that what happened was from Hashem, apologize for not accepting it at the time and getting angry, blaming the messenger, or whatever, and move on. Hashem won’t hold it against you, so neither should you! He also adds to expect this stage to last years – yes, YEARS – before you start actually living your emuna in the moment and not losing it in the moment. So don’t beat yourself up or expect yourself to just get it right away. Like everything from Rabbi Arush, it is abundantly simple and yet incredibly difficult to actually do.

 

So for instance, I recently worked on thanking Hashem for the vacuum cleaner dropping on my foot since the handle broke, and having to ice my big toe a few times a day for days. Thank G-d the nail survived. Thank G-d the foot survived. Thank G-d it healed and no long term effects noted. My option was not to avoid having this happen. Really, my option is – accept this with love, or take upon 5,000 times more suffering than this very painful big toe! Well, I guess I’ll take just the toe! I almost screamed out “That’s it, we’re replacing this vacuum cleaner NOW!” But thankfully my husband was nowhere around for me to complain to him, and by the time he came home I was much calmer. And noted – yes I need to be more careful with it, yes we do need a new one, and yes Hashem also caused it to drop on my foot either way.

Update on the Arushes

BH

I had the pleasure of speaking tonight again with Daniela Arush. Overall, the news is good. Rabbi Arush shlita, who was not feeling well last week, is BH much better – he started feeling better on Lag B’Omer. Nachman, the oldest child, who just a little while ago was still in a wheelchair, is doing much better and no longer needs regular monitoring. Miriam is also doing much better, although they are still monitoring her internal injuries which have not healed fully. But the doctors are very optimistic and right now are not considering any interventions. Both kids returned to school after Pesach, giving Daniela a little time to breathe as well.

The news from baby Odelle’s ultrasound is also encouraging. She does indeed have a scar on her skull – the force of the collision was strong enough that even the amniotic fluid could not protect her head from ramming into her mother’s pelvis in utero. The good news is that the doctors believe that Baruch Hashem, she does not have any brain damage or other adverse effects, just a scar. She will continue to have the scar monitored.

The hardest news is Rav Shimon Machluf ben Miriam Varda – Daniela’s husband, and Rabbi Arush’s son. Daniela said that he is the only one who still needs prayers – but he still needs them. He is still extremely weak, and now has a motorized wheelchair to get around. If you only knew him before the accident, the one who practically built the new Yeshiva himself, who knows how to weld, electrical stuff, can install air conditioners in a flash and more, this shadow of himself is very hard to get used to. Please continue to daven for him to have a full recovery!

You can continue to get emuna and Arush family updates at my Facebook page: www.facebook.com/emunagal1.  

Purim is Here! Everything you need

B’H

The holy days of Purim are here! Harav Arush stresses that all 3 days of Purim have special holiness and the ability to bring down special salvations – the Fast of Esther, Purim, and Shushan Purim. The very best thing is to do 6 hours of hitbodedut on all 3 days, and especially the Fast (all fasts are days for teshuva and he holds that on every single one a person should do 6 hours, and this one is certainly no exception) and whichever Purim you do not celebrate ie you more time without running around fulfilling all the other mitzvot of Purim.

Now, let’s get into the details of what to do and remember on Purim itself – whichever one you celebrate. First off, it is absolutely ussur to drink at night! Rabbi Arush said “One who drinks at night breaks the entire Torah, and it is forbidden. He drinks out of his lust and his idol worship.” The evening of Purim should be very simple – after Megillah, a simple, quick meal and then off to sleep for a few hours. Then wake up at midnight and recite Tikkun Chatzot and go out to the field to do hitbodedut until Netz/Shachris. Remember that you must go to the field happy! Praising Hashem and singing – not crying!!!

Hearing the Megillah – every single word of the Megillah is emuna. After Moshiach comes all the texts will be cancelled except this Megillah. Even more than the Torah itself, every single word is emuna!

Now we come to the Feast itself. First of all, the mitzvah is only to drink WINE. That is why it is called “The Feast of Wine” in Hebrew. Absolutely no other alcohol can be consumed! In fact, Rebbe Nachman warned very much about alcohol for the entire year, and it is a Breslev custom to drink wine only at Purim because Rebbe Nachman commanded us not to!!! (and some drink wine for the 4 cups on Pesach).

Secondly, Rabbi Arush asked – Is it possible that of all days, on Purim Hashem wants a person to lose his seichel, his mind/intellect? Most certainly not! The point of the wine is to receive daat – holy knowledge. You cannot get that if you have lost your seichel getting drunk! Therefore, you must say the special prayer (I have it attached here in Hebrew, and in English which is a rough translation and slightly different since every year Rabbi Arush changes the wording slightly) before every single cup. And if you notice that you are losing your moach, your mind, your hold on yourself – stop drinking! Tikkun habrit – rectification of the brit – is tied to Tikkun Hadaat – you cannot risk losing your daat! What you ARE supposed to be receiving, as I said, is daat. The daat to know that everything is for the very best and to say thank you. The daat to know that suffering is good. The daat to say Cursed is Mordechai – sadness is not the path to teshuva! (RT adds here – see my previous emails if you have not yet already for explanation of this) No sackcloth! And the daat to say Blessed is Haman – even the most evil have no free will, and it was through him that the Jewish people were saved and came closer to Hashem! So everything is good!!!

Finally, I also attached the Shabbat lesson from Rabbi Arush which also summarizes all these concepts from last week’s lesson.
FREILECHEN PURIM – it should be filled with meaning and salvations!
*Side note – this advice is all for men. Us women, we have to adjust accordingly. Chassidim hold that it is always forbidden for women to drink, because for women the moach/mind is tied up with tzniut, so drinking always lets a woman become loose, which she can never let herself do c”v. So Purim is definitely no exception, especially when sadly there are a lot of honestly drunk men out there. Nor is a woman expected to be able to do 6 hours each day, especially with her husband not around to help, nor is she generally going to be waking up at midnight. But for sure at least a solid hour of hitbodedut every day, and as much as possible in general are certainly in order.
**Side note number two – Harav Arush again stressed that fireworks and the like are strictly forbidden, especially since they scare people. In previous years he has gone into some length about the terrible suffering awaiting someone in Gehinnom who scared people. It is very important to make sure that one’s children are not involved in this very serious sin.

Return again to who you are...and Purim

This lesson is a blowout, incredible lesson. Count on Hashem because Hashem is with you! And connect yourself to who you are, truly, inside. Also some incredible advice on humility and coming to the land of Israel. A must watch!!!

http://emunahchannel.com/return-again-to-who-you-really-are/

And for Purim…
Rabbi Arush brings some amazing insights from the Klausenberger Rebbe about the dispute between Mordechai and Esther, after they discovered the evil plot by Haman to kill the Jews.

Mordechai went through the streets wearing sackcloth and ashes, crying bitterly. Esther sent him clothes - what he didn't have clothes? Saying - you cannot come before the King wearing sackcloth! What she was saying was this: I was raised in your house and you, Mordechai, taught me that when things... get difficult, you go put on your best Shabbos clothes and dance and thank Hashem. You know that you cannot come before the King - Hashem - except with joy. If you are not able to come before Hashem, how will the decree ever get overturned?

Mordechai answered that although she was right, the people needed to know that they needed to do teshuva - hence, he was trying to awaken them to the seriousness of their plight in order that they should return to Hashem.

Her response was that this was still not the way! By getting people depressed and upset, they are only going to be connecting to the Klipah of Haman and Amalek more, through crying and complaining. Every smile wipes away Amalek - so crying makes Amalek even more powerful. Even more, being sad is in and of itself a sin, since it means that you don't accept Hashem's will. You are only adding sins to Klal Yisrael, in a supposed attempt to do teshuva! How can this ever work? Teshuva through more power to Amalek and sinning through sadness? The people know to do teshuva already. Tell people instead - Do teshuva! Strengthen your emuna in! Hashem is waiting for our prayers! But don't be sad!
Mordechai did not agree, and cursed Esther if she did not go before Achashverosh. Now, she was afraid, because the conditional curse of a tzaddik stands no matter what - hence she told the people to fast "alai" - on me. Not on the decree, but on Esther herself, since Mordechai had cursed her!

The Klausenberger Rebbe added, that if Mordechai had agreed with Esther and they had been only happy and thanking Hashem, they wouldn't have just killed Haman and his sons - they would have totally wiped away Amalek! But in the end Mordechai recognized that Esther was right, and hence the Megillah is called Megillat Esther - not Mordechai.

Purim is Coming! Special learning for Purim

Countdown to Purim! Harav Arush spoke about Purim on Wednesday both to the Yeshiva and in his weekly class. There were some amazing thoughts and important pointers - over the next week I will G-d willing be emailing even daily with important tidbits from Harav Arush on this holiday, which is the most important holiday according to Harav Arush - even Yom Kippur is "yom" the day "k-Purim" like Purim, a day we get close to the holiness of Purim. Over the 3 days of Purim (the fast of Esther, Purim and Shushan Purim) a person can bring down incredible salvations. Even more, Purim sets the calendar for the entire year - everything begins with Purim. Rebbeinu also explains that a kosher Pesach depends on a proper Purim.

Let's begin with the basics - who is Amalek?

Rabbi Arush chuckled - he said in order to know how to erase Amalek, we first have to know who and what he is! So we must speak about him!
Klipat Haman-Amalek - the dark side force of Haman and Amalek (Haman was Amalek, and the most notable one, but this influence began before him and continues today) - is the force of denial of Hashem (kefirah).... Interestingly, the most bold manifestation of this is denying the good - that is how closely tied denying the good is to heresy. Everything that comes to a person comes to him from Hashem - this is a basic tenet of emuna. So if a person denies the good done to him by the messenger of Hashem (the flesh and blood person doing him the good, for instance) then if a person denies the messenger, they certainly also deny the one who sent him!

The famous example Rabbi Arush brings is that Haman had 10 sons, and incredible wealth and power. Everyone bowed down to him in the streets! Yet the fact that one little Jew, Mordechai, would not bow to him - he says "it is all like nothing in my eyes." This is the greatest denial of good possible and the quintessential example of denying the good and letting the "dark spot" in your life overwhelm all the good in it, to the point where you feel like the dark spot is everything and the good is like nothing - when really, if you could see clearly all the good being done for you and properly appreciate it, you would feel the exact opposite!
So the war against Amalek is the war of emuna, against kefirah (heresy). This is also the war of every person, at every moment - to strengthen themselves in the emuna to see Hashem, appreciate the good, and know Hashem is doing everything for the best - or to deny that G-d forbid, and question Hashem instead - "What's going on here? What does Hashem want from me? Why is this happening?"
Don't forget to start praying NOW already for a meaningful and inspiring Purim!

Ahavat Yisrael

Rabbi Arush says that the highest form of Ahavat Yisrael (loving your fellow Jew) is hafatzah - distributing emuna. Everyone needs to learn about emuna, the simple belief in Hashem. Because Hashem is the only address for everything a person needs, both physically and spiritually, and the path to true happiness and fulfillment in life is found only through emuna, helping another Jew (or any person, really!) learn about emuna is enabling them to also find that happiness and fulfillment and joy in their life. Even more, emuna enables a person to reach their highest potential and fulfill their purpose in life - certainly helping a person achieve that is the best good you can do for them!

So when Rabbi Arush said at the funeral that we need to focus on Ahavat Yisrael (hence the inspiration for this learning in her merit) and hafatzah, really they are the same thing. Granted, Rabbi Arush was specifically speaking about getting rid of machloket (fighting), but with increased emuna through hafatzah this also happens - being able to make peace is dependent on emuna as well. How can you make peace with someone or something if you don't recognize that they are really just a stick in Hashem's hand? Without emuna, this is extremely difficult - with emuna, it's easy.

Rabbi Arush has been stressing lately just how much merit there is in spreading emuna - endless merit. He had one of his students tell his story in one of the lectures, which is basically that someone gave him the CD "Stop Crying" in Hebrew and it changed his life. He did teshuva and joined the Yeshiva, and now has given out thousands of books and CDs himself. All of that is in the merit of the person who gave him one single CD, someone who didn't even know him. He also uses the analogy of a father who has a son who is very distant - what reward is that father willing to give to someone who helps bring his wayward son closer?!

Maybe you're wondering how you can really get involved in spreading emuna. Not everyone is cut out to speak to random people, after all, and I still struggle with it. Here are a few suggestions:

Carry emuna materials with you, and leave them around! I always have some Margoliot (mini books) and CDs with me - and guess what they are now in English! The Gems series! Contact me for info on how to get them sent to you and you can get them super discount in bulk in order to give out as well. Anyway, I keep a mix of them in my purse, and I leave a few in a waiting room wherever I am, wherever I go, with the other books and magazines usually out at such places. Leave them next to the cashier at a Jewish bookstore or restaurant. And you might be surprised how many easy situations Hashem sends you - oftentimes people ask me about my kemea (special necklace with Likutei Moharan inside) and end up with some mini books or a CD in their hands. It's actually very easy - have you heard of the Garden of Emuna? If they say yes - great, here is some more! And if they say no, I hand them Pearls of Emuna mini book - here, find out what it's all about, it changed my life and it can change yours too. Also, if you know someone going through a rough time, send them a book or a mini book or a CD. When someone sends me a story of someone in need, I send them The Garden of Emuna along with a donation anonymously. Pray about it and Hashem will certainly give you lots of great ideas that will be super easy for you!

Don't forget, of course, to do hafatzah with yourself. Carve out a few minutes a day or a week to read a book, listen to a CD, download one of the Chabura recordings, listen to a shiur on Emunah Channel - whatever! Personally, my few minutes of learning is like grounding time, time that then affects the rest of my day, because now I'm starting from a place of emuna, trying to remember emuna, connected to Hashem and to the truth. And even if my learning is at the end of my long day, it still makes a difference. All the difference, in fact.

Don't Sell Yourself as a Slave

In our current chapter in Women’s Wisdom, Rabbi Arush has been stressing the importance of hakarat hatov – appreciating the good. In essence, he explains, it is the foundation on which emuna is built – if you are not recognizing the Creator, you can't come to have emuna in Him. And if you don’t recognize the messenger that Hashem is sending, then for sure you will never come to recognize the One who sent him! This is the most basic level – to recognize that Hashem doesn’t owe you anything, and therefore everything you have, no matter who it comes from (or through), is a gift for which you must be grateful. At the highest level, this is being so grateful to Hashem for everything, that you cannot possibly sin against Him – how can I misuse the body Hashem gave me? The breath that Hashem gave me? (each and every one). So on and so forth…and this gratitude to Hashem is so encompassing that you spend every moment serving Hashem in gratitude, unable to move against His will.

It’s an incredibly high level, one I can sort of imagine – and that’s about it! But in working to practice his advice in my everyday life, I have noticed that it is truly changing my relationships. Even more fundamental to the gratitude is that you can't take anything for granted – and seeing just how much I do in fact take for granted has been really eye-opening to me. The mind can only hold so many things in the front of it – so when I was busy seeing how much I was lacking, how much wasn’t being done to my liking, etc. etc. – that is what I noticed. Now that I'm working on filling my gratitude quota for the day, I'm noticing just how much is being done around me, and there isn’t as much room for complaining, being disappointed, and feeling like I'm doing all the work and pulling the weight around here. It’s like a ton of frustration and tension has just been lifted from the house. Lo and behold, just as Rabbi Arush promises, as those around me notice that I actually noticed what they did, and really thanked them from my heart – indeed they are doing more to boot!

Anyway, please listen to the Chabura recordings and check it out in The Garden of Gratitude. I really cannot properly put into words the extreme change I am witnessing around me, happening now only because I'm really working on this idea with lots of prodding from Rabbi Arush (between the two books I'm learning, at the same time!). I want everyone to experience how much your life can and will change just from this incredibly simple piece of advice! You will see what you want to see – start praying and really trying only to notice the good in others, to pay attention to every single small good that you receive from anyone and thanking them for it!

Amazing news, outright miracles

I have beyond incredible news – Reb Shimon Arush and his family – all four of them – left the hospital today!!! Outright miracles!!!

That being said, it is not easy. The family still needs treatments (I don’t know details) and physical support, especially since neither parent is strong and healthy enough to deal with 2 healthy kids, let alone 2 sick kids just out of the hospital. Additionally, emotionally, now the reality of little Faige Chana z”l is really hitting them – I spoke today with Daniela, and my husband with Reb Shimon, and both of us felt the same thing after getting off the phone – they both sounded really weak, like we could hardly hear them. Hardly themselves. But Reb Shimon was really strong with my husband: “Rak Todah. Rak Todah” – “Only thank you.”

I hear Harav in my head over and over again: thank you Hashem that the rest of the family is alive. That in the merit of Faige Chana z”l who was taken as a korban for all of Klal Yisrael, they are alive to live through the suffering in the first place. Alive. And out of the hospital. To not deny the good done for us, in our pain over the loss.

Harav Arush was very strong in his shiur tonight – one way or another, a person must speak to Hashem. If you are not at the level of emuna to say thank you for everything, OK. So go to Hashem and say “It hurts me. It is hard for me. I don’t understand. Give me emuna. Give me the emuna to say thank you.” But go to Hashem!!! And to focus on your will – maybe you can't do something. But go to Hashem and say “I WANT to do this.” The only true free choice (bechira) that we have is our will, our good desires. The success (or failure) is only up to Hashem, but we can choose what we want, what we yearn for.

Holy yearning is the highest thing. In a class for Rebbe Nachman’s yahrtzeit a few years ago, Rabbi Arush spoke about the tremendous importance of good will and yearning for holiness, for emuna, for Hashem. The yearning creates angels which run around the world. A person can run into that angel, and suddenly, they wake up and desire what you yearned for! Even the biggest rasha (evil person), if he runs into that good will you created, and he has just a single thought of teshuva – just a thought! (hirhur) of doing teshuva – all his sins are erased, and now he can truly do teshuva because he doesn’t have harsh judgments on him. In the next world, you get the merit of this person doing teshuva, and you’re like – I don’t know him! Yes, but he did teshuva because of your desire!!!

So don’t get frustrated if you want to do something, and it’s not your level. You want to thank Hashem and not deny the good He did in healing Reb Shimon’s family, but you just can't get over the pain of losing Faige Chana z”l. It’s OK. Ask Hashem to give you that level, to give you complete emuna, to help you not kick the suffering and deny the good. Want to be at that level, and do your very best to thank Hashem. So you wanted to do that mitzvah, and you could not. Don’t let the Evil Inclination get you down – your holy will, and prayers to fulfill that mitzvah in the future are so precious. More precious, in fact, than even doing that mitzvah without will. In whatever you do or don’t accomplish, the main thing is the will!

Turn Around!

I had a funny occurrence this week. I read and speak Hebrew quite well actually, but the weird cursive fonts used on some packaging can still be very confusing. A particular brand name had me confused forever – it just didn’t make sense and I knew I had it wrong, but didn’t know how to pronounce it. As I was doing hitbodedut earlier in the week, I suddenly saw the package and realized that I didn’t know what it said because I had been reading it with a peh and really it was a shin (in cursive, they are basically the same shape, just the direction is reversed – one faces right, and the other faces left). Once I realized that I had the opposite letter, it read easily and it made sense!

So there I was, thinking – “OK Hashem, why this now, in my hitbodedut, while I'm trying to do chesbon hanefesh (spiritual accounting of my actions)?” The answer was apparently obvious once I asked it – clearly there are things in my life, and everyone’s life, that we cannot understand. They just don’t make sense. We try to wrap our minds around it, and we just end up more confused. What’s the problem? We are looking at the problem from the exact opposite angle of the truth – just like from one direction it is a peh, but see it from the other direction (ie flip it around) and you get a shin. I am looking po (here, seeing myself, the “I” or the ego) and the truth is understandable once you look shama (there, seeing Hashem).

And this is where we make our mistakes, and this is why the essential and most important aspect of doing teshuva is turning around. If G-d forbid we’re facing away from Hashem, then everything we see will be backwards. And unfortunately sometimes it does sorta look like it makes sense, even backwards, but we’re not seeing the truth at all. We have to first turn and face Hashem, and be willing to honestly look at our lives and where we are holding, and where it is leading us. Here are some simple examples, generalizations from my own life, Hashem has helped me see recently:

-I am so frustrated with my husband not filling his responsibilities, and he really isn’t! But I can't see that the pushing is making everything worse, just like the rubber band that bounces back the tighter you pull it…and as I am learning Women’s Wisdom (enter the importance of the good advice of the tzaddik in your life!!!) and working on appreciating him per the advice in his book. Everything is turning around so quickly, because instead of looking at my husband, I'm focusing on myself AND working on appreciating him, and now I see that he has been doing so much all this time, even if it wasn’t everything I expected…and big surprise, admitting that I am not fulfilling all of my responsibilities 100% either. All I had to do was turn around to see that the situation was the exact opposite of what I thought it was.

-I used to think that people holding this or that chumra were insane. Now that I'm sitting and learning pashut Halacha, I see that many things I thought were chumrot are not at all. In actuality, I was holding by many, many heterim, albeit that everyone around me also holds – but they aren’t the simple halachah. They are incredible leniencies that I can clearly see result in many halachic problems because people inevitably use (and I know they are using) the gaping holes created by them in ways the heter does not expect, and in some things, people aren’t even holding by the heter – the heter is being used in conditions that are clearly against the original conditions in the original teshuva that people are supposedly holding by! I am changing my life in big ways just to hold by the Shulchan Aruch plain and simple (as Rabbi Arush says – halevai, if only every person could just follow the Shulchan Aruch simply, forget one single chumra! And Rabbi Nachman requires everyone to learn Halacha every day, if only 2 halachot a day, for this reason as well – how can you hope to fulfill the Torah if you are not learning what you need to fulfill?). I thought the truth was one thing, but I see that it is the exact opposite.